Thursday, December 25, 2008

A Christmas Message From Bongolesia...

From the Presidential Palace of His Excellency, President-For-Life P'hat Daddee B'wonah...

"Greetings to all that hears these words on dis most wonderdfull of holidays. As President of the wonderful nation of Bongolesia, I send all my loving and greetings to you until you are full of it. I have so much to give to you that we should all be thankful.
As da year slowly swindles to a close, we here in Sudekia and da rest of the country look forward to 2009 and the many good things we can see that it will bring all of us. The government under my rule and command has made sure that it could do to you all that it could, and has brought up much successful schemes to help our national economy and our way of life that it even reaches down to you. And you should be happy.
We have seen new industries come to our beloved land, bringing jobs with it that will enable the people of this land to work hard so we can all get more.
We have seen new skills needed and provided, and so many people getting what was coming to them that it makes my head spin sometimes with all of the wonders dat we do to you and for you.
Of course with all progress, dere are dose thugs and hoodlums and just no goods dat don’t know how good dey’s got it, and would want Bongolesia to be like France, or Arkansas or some place like that. And it is dese folks that seek to ruin our nation even further than it already has been, and change our way of life into something else that we wouldn’t recognize from what it already is…These folks are the ones that want to see our land crumble and our way of life ruptured like the carcass of a dead cat roasting on a dusty road in the hot, hot, sun. And deys won’t stop till they succeed or are destroyed.
Of course true Bongolesians know the meaning of patriotism, loyalty and who butters the bread, and with this we know that all Bongolesian citizens who know what is good for them will do their best to remain true to the nation. We will soon have the army giving the pain stick to those that give us problems, and come from third-world hell-holes (and you know who you are…)
But dis is not the time to talk about dat. Dis is da time of joy, of hope, of gib’ing and getting. For as we have poor’ here in Bongolesia, dere are many folks out there that have more than dey’s need and can afford to give more to help the poor. Because the themes of dis season is gibb’in and gibbin’ makes you feel good inside. And the more you gib, the mo’ bettuh you feel.
I know dat some folks (especially Americans with money, and those of former European Colonial Descent) will want to soothe their souls and help de poor. That’s why we ask of them to remember da season and gib all dey can and a little more. Because it’s the season of gibbin’ and it’s all for the chiiiiiiiiiillllllllldrennnnnnn….
And you don’t wanna see little children cry on Christmas do you?
And as President of this wonderful nation, I personally guarantee that for all that you give for and to the poor dat dey will get theirs in the end.
On behalf of Moolah and I, we wants to wish you all a very Merry Chris’mus and a Happy New Year.

Long Live Bongolesia!

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Hot Sultry Action in Junkotown PT II



The small-dilapidated hamlet of Junkotown grew closer in view. Captain H’ameneggz glanced down at his maps; just beyond the town was a piece of open ground, and then the BARF main camp.
He looked over at the Commander of the Fighting Jujus as the PT-76s tore through a barren poorly plowed field of some town farmer whose skill at farming seemed to leave a lot to be desired.
“Let’s hope dat deys don’t screw dis up.” He said to himself as he reached for the signal flags. A quick swipe through the air with the red and yellow flags and the attack column broke into town. The Lions wheeled around the right, while the Jujus sped into and through the town streets.
Reconnaissance Jeeps and Scout Cars raced ahead of the tanks looking for any evidence of enemy forces.

Captain B’ustah of the Fighting Jujus grinned as the Golden Lions peeled off and began their swing around the town. The delay of moving around the obstacle instead of through it, would cause him to miss out on the prize…and the reward.
He licked his thick cracked lips and thought about the fun and frolic he could have with the large cash reward for rescuing the silly European newsgirls…
And the scientists and briefcase… He reminded himself.
He cursed slightly as he thought to himself. He had always been able to be distracted by a pretty face, but this time he would keep his mind on his business and kill anyone that stood in the way of him getting what was his.
Suddenly as his tanks began to work their way across a barren field, the dusty white UN vehicles seemed to pour around his left side and take a slight lead ahead of his tanks. He watched as they moved ahead of his tanks and the slowed down at an opening around a small hill.
He looked up ahead. In the distance the BARF camp was in sight!

Comrade Commander P’uffdiddie looked over the supply list and frowned. What he was being told to provide was nearly impossible in this region. Comrade General T’uba S’alami was asking him to “request” more supplies from the local peasants than they were able to provide.
P’uffdiddie leaned back in the rickety wooden chair and closed his eyes as he sighed deeply. One day soon…he thought to himself. We will emerge victorious and a new rule will be established in Bongolesia; a rule where people will share and share alike. Naturally those of us in charge will get a bigger share, but that’s the way it always isn’t it?
The frantic knocking on the office door suddenly interrupted his daydreaming.
“What is it?” He asked loudly, irritated that his few moments of relaxation was rudely taken away from him.
The young messenger walked in, bowed as required and reported hastily.
“Oh great and glorious commander, it looks like B’wonahs hoodlums are on their way!”
P’uffdiddies face frowned slightly. He could sense the fear in this young mans voice. ”Do not be afraid soldier. Go to your post and prepare for battle, we shall do our duty and emerge victorious!”
P’uffdiddie smiled as he could see the young mans fear on his face vanish and an eagerness for battle replace it. The soldier saluted, and turned to leave.
“Comrade Private.” P’uffdiddie said.
“You forgot to bow when you were leaving.” P’uffdiddie said quietly.
“Sorry comrade general. It won’t happen again.”
P’uffdiddie nodded as the soldier left. Of course not. He said to himself as the sounds of the base camp preparing for battle suddenly began. That is why, AFTER the battle, you will only receive five lashings with the whip. Discipline and Protocol MUST be maintained and expected at all times…
Fortunately for the young private it was the last time he would ever see Comrade Commander P’uffdiddie…

Major Merchant wasn’t happy.
He grunted unhappily each time his jeep seemed to bounce in one of the countless holes and ruts on the ruined dirt trail that the Bongolesians seemed intent on calling a road. He looked up from his map to view the trucks that he had gotten from “local sources” to carry his troops and weapons teams. Two of the vehicles seemed to be on their last legs. Even Cpl “Hotwire” Jenkins had had trouble trying to get them to start and keep running for any long amount of time. They would simply just stop running as if they had a temperamental mind of their own.
“Looks like we might got the jump on ‘em sir!” his driver said over the roar of the jeep engine.
Merchant nodded. He was remembering the contract details for payments. “Rescue the Scientists. Rescue the Bongolesium. Grab the Girls if he could for a “bonus”. All in a good days work he thought.
His mind snapped back out of its reverie by the sudden snap crack sound followed by an explosion up ahead. The troop trucks suddenly swerved off the road. Most turned left and sought cover at the halfway constructed airfield. A tired old C-47 sat on the mostly level rough ground near a small building. The troops began unloading quickly while one of the other trucks took a hard right and fought a hiding place between a series of storage tanks.
Merchant saw the signs on the tanks. Two were from Petroco, and the other two were from Perverticus Industries. Their conditions left a lot to be desired.
The men began unloading from the truck and taking cover.
“Crikey Major! That’s not a good place for the men to dig in!” The jeep driver yelled as he pulled the jeep off the road and sought cover. Merchant took a quick glance down the road. In the distance he could see a tank, and what seemed to be an IFV…

“Tell me Jeeves, did our briefing say ANYTHING about the enemy having tanks and possibly BMPS???” Merchant asked his driver, while trying not to yell. Jeeves shook his head. “No Sir…nuttin’ at all.”
“That’s what I thought.” Merchant muttered to himself. Suddenly this “easy” job seemed not that easy anymore.

Comrade Commander P’uffdiddie listened on the radio as his Tank Commander reported engaging the mercenaries. “They are hiding around the airport and the storage tanks Comrade Commander. Your orders sir?”
“Move in and destroy them.” He responded.
The radio crackled for a moment. “Sir I would follow your orders, but the engine on my tank seems to be having problems again. It runs, then stops, runs, then stops.”
P’uffdiddie cursed. The few tanks that BARF had seemed to be plagued with maintenance problems.
“Very well, get your tank running when you can. In the meantime do you see a big fuel truck there?”
“Yes Comrade Commander.”
“Good. Then shoot the fuel truck and roast the mercenaries like so much cheap lunch meat.” P’uffdiddie instructed.

The BARF Tank commander looker up into his sights and began searching for a new target for his gunner. With most of the mercenaries taking cover behind the building he was wondering what to shoot, when the gunner suddenly began screaming. “They have a Recoilless Rifle!”
“SHOOT IT!” The tank commander screamed back.
The crack from the T55 main gun sent a high explosive shell directly on target and the mercenaries with their recoilless rifle, simply ceased to exist.
“Bloody Hell!” Merchant screamed as he watched his RR team evaporate. He looked over at Jeeves. “NOBODY TOLD US ABOUT TANKS!!!”
Jeeves nodded and leaned back a bit. He knew that when the Major got this way he tended to drool and spit a lot.

The BARF Tank commander grinned. A well placed shot had taken out the soldiers for hire white devils. He spun the turret to the right. “Do you see that big new shiny truck full of aviation fuel?” He asked the gunner.
“Yes I do!”
“The shoot that. Let’s make it hot for them.”

The T55’s gun cracked again and for the mercenaries someone set off the worlds biggest flash bulb.
Luckily the building covered the majority of the group, but the first squad simply dissolved in the fireball screaming.

Captain B’ustah looked over to his left. He could see troops scattered about and a large fireball rising into the sky. He grinned as he saw targets of opportunity.
“Gunner, swing left and put a shell into one of those storage tanks.” He said.
The gunner traversed left and a moment later the gun of the PT-76 spit forth a shell.
The shell ripped into a storage tank of Perverticus Industries. Immediately from the opening a large spreading black cloud poured out and began to settle on the mercenaries there.

“Crikey Major! The NDF is shooting at us also!” Jeeves yelled.
Merchant turned to see the black cloud settle down on the men taking cover behind the storage tank. Suddenly he could hear coughing and choking, as the men gasped for air. These gasps were then punctuated by screams.
“What…the…bloody…hell?” Merchant babbled to himself.
His questions were answered when forms emerged from the cloud. Where his men had been, SUDDENLY, came the slow shuffling forms of the newly undead…zombies.
“Oh hell…SHOOT THEM NOW!” Merchant screamed.
A mercenary squad opened up on them, sending bullets into newly formed undead flesh and causing the bodies to hit the ground and flop until they were all suddenly still. Each corpse then took a long burst to the skull, “just in case”.
To Be Continued...

Thursday, December 18, 2008




The window unit air conditioner rattled as it desperately tried to keep up with the sweltering humid sticky heat of the Bongolesian afternoon. A recent storm had dropped just enough rain on the Capital City of Bongolesia, which seemed to enhance the mugginess of the heat instead of helping to cool it off like most rainstorms do.
A sudden "WHACK" upon the air conditioner with a stick caused the rattle to stop and the air conditioner continued to struggle to do its job, although in a more silent modus of operation.
Inside, P’hat Daddee B’wonah stared at the air conditioner in silence, holding the stick in his hand and glaring at the window unit as if it were a disobedient child challenging a parent. He waited a moment and when he was satisfied that the air conditioner had learned it’s lesson, he tossed the stick off to the side and turned his chair back towards his desk and the disturbing pictures and reports upon them.
He picked up a black and white photograph and stared at it, frowning slightly. The photo did not have the high detail that he wished he could get from reconnaissance photos, but it had to do. He let his eyes sweep over the photo, taking in every detail.

(Secret Aerial Recon Photo of BARF Base Camp near Junkotown...)

He glanced from the photograph to a map of Bongolesia, which showed Junkotown to be in the Central Northwest region of Bongolesia, not far from the border of the CBPR.
Running the tip of his tongue over his lips, he looked again at the photograph.
So they now have tanks… He thought to himself.
His thoughts were interrupted by the buzz of the intercom.
He stabbed at the button with his thick finger as if he were poking a piece of meat. “Send them in.” He ordered.

The door to the office opened and National Defense Minister M’umbow Jumbow, and Bongolesian General B’unga M’bunga slowly stepped in. Each man had the look on their face as if they were marching into the lion’s den.
B’wonah slipped the picture and the reports back into the folder and closed the cover.
“Ah, gentlemen! Do come in and sit down.” He greeted them cheerfully while motioning to the two chairs in front of his desk.
The men slowly moved to the chairs, and after a quick glance sat down in them; M’bunga sitting on the edge of his seat while M’umbow Jumbow’s fingertips dug into the front of the armests.
“You wished to s..see us, Excellency?” Jumbow said with a quiver in his voice.
B’wonah smiled, showing his large white teeth.
“Oh yes, gentlemen. I’ve been waiting for both of you. I need you to tell me some things.”
“Things sir?” M’bunga asked.
The glistening smile vanished as B’wonah stared at them both. “YES! THINGS! I want to know WHAT HAPPENED IN JUNKOTOWN, and most of all WHY DID YOU FAIL TO DO AS I ORDERED?” he bellowed.
“Excellency, I…” M’bunga started to respond before B’wonah made a gesture that shut him up.
“Let’s hear it from the beginning, shall we?”… He said with his dark eyes flashing their black soulless emptiness to them as he leaned forward towards them.

(The objectives, Hot Eurobabes, Geek Scientists, and a briefcase full of Bongolesium!)

The lay of the land; Junkotown, with the half built airstrip and the BARF stronghold on the left (north) of the table...

South of Junkotown…
The Goomba Flies swarmed thick in the sultry Bongolesian heat as the small town of Junkotown roasted beneath a merciless sun. The sight of a beautiful blue sky gave little comfort to the few villagers as they toiled beneath the blazing orb in the sky. The peasant farmers of the town along with a few townsfolk swatted constantly at the buzzing smelly biting Goomba flies.
Suddenly the local dogs began barking, and the farmers looked up from their cracked drying parched fields to hear and see the dust clouds coming from the south…
“Tanks!” One of the farmers yelled as he dropped his hoe and started running back from the field to the shanty that he and his family called home.

Across the field on the horizon, a cloud of dust moved closer to Junkotown.
Group Captain H’ameneggz sat in the cupola of his T-34/85 clutching to the Old Exxon Road Map, as well as the locally produced map of the region.. His goggles covered his eyes, while a small wrapping protected his face and mouth from the fine ground dust that tanks make, and prevented the unfortunate chance of having a Goomba Fly find it’s winged way into his mouth. He had made that mistake a long time ago, when he was a young officer and learned his lesson as to just how nasty a Goomba Fly tasted. He always made sure never to have a repeat of the lesson.
He looked down at the map, and then to both sides at the rest of his T-34’s. Once again, 2nd Bongolesian, “The Golden Lions”, were on the move. Supported by Infantry in trucks behind, and a jeep recon element racing ahead of them, he looked over to his left. His “supporting element” was the 1st Bongolesian Armored, “The Fighting Jujus”. Armed with PT-76s and truck mounted infantry, their wheeled scout element of armored cars roared ahead of them, looking for signs of the enemy…

(Movements of the Rescuing Forces during the battle...The Red Line shows the path of Merchants Marauders (Mercenaries Most Foul); while the Light Blue Line shows the path of the UN forces under Capi'tan Robespierre; while the Light Green line shows the confused path of the 1st Bongolesian, "The Fighting Jujus", and the Yellow Line shows the path of the 2nd Bongolesian, "The Golden Lions"...)

Capi’tan Robespierre of the French United Nations contingent squinted through his binoculars at the dust cloud moving off to his right. He licked his dry cracked lips, and shifted his butt in the jeep seat to a more comfortable position. He tried to ignore the sweat trickling down into his face from beneath his helmet, and instead focused his thoughts on the sight of the Bongolesian vehicles far off in the distance.
Behind him the engines to the UN Trucks and the M113 APC’s idled, adding their exhaust to the thick hot dry air creating a hot carbon monoxide stink that only diesel fuel vehicles in a hot sun can make.
“Sooooooooo….zey t’ink dat they shall get to ze rescue before me and my meeeeeeeen…” He muttered to himself. He tossed the binoculars into the back of the jeep, and grabbed the radio microphone. “Whiyat Kniyat to ze Blue Swallow….Whiyat Kniyat to ze Blue Swallowwwww….come eeeeeen Blue Swallow…”
The radio crackled to life, “Zis is ze Blue Swallow…Ah ahm on ze station…ohverrrrh…”
Robespierre smiled and looked up at the sound of a jet aircraft, high above them in the sky, as it roared about.
Tossing the microphone back to the radio operator, he slapped the dozing jeep driver in the back of his UN blue helmet.
“Wake up you seeeeeelly sol’jier! ALLONS! For-wahrds!” He screamed as the little group proceeded to move across the Bongolesian Countryside.

(In the spirit of International Cooperation, and to help their record of goodwill in Africa, The UN contigent decides to get involved...)

West of the UN Group…
“Crikey Major. Them UN Frogs have busted out and are moving fast and ‘eavy for the village.”
Major Dan, “Mad Dog” Merchant, looked up from the map at the soldier observing the UN force in the distance. He squinted his eyes at the small vehicles on the horizon, and nodded in agreement to the soldiers statement.
“Lets get the Marauders moving.” He said with the curtness to his voice that gave orders to the men around him, without him having to verbally give the order. Being a leader of well-trained mercenaries known as “Merchants Marauders”, gave him the benefit of doing just that. Each man was hand picked for the job, and they knew what needed to be done. They were professional soldiers for hire...mercenaries...soldiers of fortune.
Suddenly the two recon jeeps sped forward down the road. Ahead of them lay the Junkotown airport, the BARF stronghold, and their objectives, which meant that they would get paid...

(They saw this on "Rat Patrol", and always wanted to try it!)


Sunday, December 7, 2008


(Unofficial Photos of Unconfirmed Missing European Newsbabes...errr...newscasters...)

NEWSFLASH!!! Eurobabes missing in Bongolesia, BARF suspected.

European News Network (ENN), "All the news, delivered with a European Flair, by a Eurobabe…

“European News Network Eurobabes Missing in Bongolesia. BARF Suspected!”

(Sudekia) Rumors are running wild of a soon to be possible military action against anti-govt. guerillas of the Bongolesian African Revolutionary Front (BARF), after it was found out that a trio of European News Network Female Newscasters were discovered missing this afternoon, and presumed to be held against their will by BARF forces.
“Oh man…now dey’s done done it!” Said National Defense Minister Mumbow Jumbow. “When his Excellency Da President For Life P’hat Daddee B’wonah hears about dis, man, is they gonna get da pain stick!”
Sources in Bongolesia said today that the Eurobabes…errr…newscasters group were on their way to a “secret meeting” with Rebel Leaders to interview them about the recent crisis of concern due to the 3 kidnapped scientists and the location of a large container of the missing rare super element, “Bongolesium”.
It is now believed that the entire meeting was a trick to capture the Eurobabes…errr…newscasters and to hold them as additional hostages to keep any outside European Influence from interfering with BARFS rumored plan to sell the Bongolesium to the highest bidder on the market.
While many countries have denied even being in communication with BARF, sources say that some countries not only have been in communications with the Rebel Leaders but have already sent “bargaining teams” to negotiate contract prices.
The European Union has expressed its shock and sadness at the prospect of having some of their ENN Eurobabes…errr…newscasters kidnapped.
“This is most distressing to everyone here in the International Community. While we deplore any unnecessary violence within Bongolesia, we also ask, and beg pretty please not to harm any of the Eurobabes…errr…newscasters. “
Rumors are swirling that there will soon be a major military action as Bongolesian Radio AM 7.62 began playing a 30 minute Wang-Chung Music Marathon.
“Oh man, dis is gonna get bad…” said a Bongolesian citizen on the streets of Sudekia when hearing the music on the radio.
Stay tuned to the European News Network (ENN), "All the news, delivered with a European Flair, by a Eurobabe… as this crisis unfolds in Bongolesia.
And now back to “The Alan Alda Christmas Holiday Musical Extravaganza”, for your viewing pleasure, already in progress…

Saturday, December 6, 2008

NEWSFLASH!!! Rebels intend to sell Super Element!

European News Network (ENN), "All the news, delivered with a European Flair, by a Eurobabe…


(Sudekia) In a frightening turn of events, a spokesman for the Anti-Govt. Force of the Bongolesian African Revolutionary Front (BARF) said today that their possession of the rare mysterious super element "Bongolesium", they would sell to the highest bidder."

Since we need cold hard cash to purchase the boomy boomy to use against B'wonahs Regime, this strange glowing stuff has seemed to generate a lot of interest. So we are going to put it on market to the highest bidder." The spokesman who was never identified said.In an interview over the telephone, after the European News Network accepted the charges for the collect call, the spokesman confirmed that BARF does indeed have possession of the scientists from Perverticus Industries, and the container of Bongolesium.
"It's time that the developed nations of the world stop coming into our third world hellhole and trying to make it an even worse place than it already is. If there is going to be anyone to ruin our nation, it should be the native indigenous population that be given the opportunity to do so." The spokesman said, while cheers and the rattle of weapons fire could be heard in the background.
Unconfirmed international reports also say that Iranian and Chinese delegations are preparing to leave for Africa to see "what kind of deals" can be made with BARF."
At first we wuz thinking of putting this up on ebay, but since we don't ship to Italy, and the Paypal fees are absurd in this portion of the world, we've decided to let the buyer come to us." The spokesman said.
Meanwhile, various military units of the Bongolesia National Defense Forces have been rumored to have been put on a low key alert for possible operations." Staff officers have been seen coming and going at National Headquarters and the President-For-Life, P'hat Daddee B'wonah has been busily keeping his fingers in the pie of the operation." Said a govt. spokesman who wished to remain anonymous.
President B'wonah will be hosting a state dinner this evening, and in the spirit of goodwill and good intentions has invited the Eurobabes of the ENN to attend.

Stay tuned to the European News Network (ENN), as this situation unfolds. "All the news, delivered with a European Flair, by a Eurobabe…

"We now return you to the end credits of "Brazilian Beach Babes Hot Oil Bikini Rub-Down"…


CBPR Tanks on Military Manuevers near the Northwestern Bongolesian Border...A CBPR military spokesman said that these are "routine military exercises"...

European News Network (ENN),"All the news, delivered with a European Flair, by a Eurobabe…"
CBPR Military Forces conducting "maneuvers" near border with Bongolesia; Officials say "Merely routine"…

(Sudekia) Tensions in Bongolesia already heightened due to the recent confirmations of 3 missing scientists and a large amount of the newly discovered element "Bongolesium", have been further increased by the reports of Military Forces from the neighboring Central Bongolesian Peoples Republic, (CBPR) on military exercises near the border that they share with Bongolesia.
Reports are confirmed from National Defense Forces Headquarters in Sudekia that ground forces of the CBPR have recently begun military operations close to the border.
Earlier this afternoon, a press conference was held where Military spokesman General B'unga M'bunga told reporters. "This is the first time in a long time that we have had reports of the CBPR trying this. If they think that these "exercises" are meant to scare the Bongolesian people into acting like an old lady crossing a busy street with cars that don't stop, then deys got anudder thing comin'!"
When told that at least one plane of the CBPR air force was involved in the exercises, General M'bunga scratched his head, and looked confused while answering with "Really? They finally got the engine fixed on that thing?? Well, you learn something new everyday." General M'bunga then went on to discuss that he had been given his orders by His Excellency President-For-Life P'hat Daddee B'wonah in which "he was authorized to repel any invaders that launched into the Bongolesian countryside from their third world hellholes."
"And you know who you are…" He said wagging his finger.
Unconfirmed reports are arriving that National Defense Forces are moving into the area as a show of force against the CBPR. However, word is also out that since the area is rife with anti-govt. BARF encampments, that this may be the beginning of a pre-emptive military strike against the rebels and perhaps to recover the rare and expensive Bongolesium."
And don't forget the scientists…them too." General M'bunga said with a smile.
President B'wonah is scheduled to hold another press conference tomorrow morning and has invited all European News Network Eurobabes to breakfast before the conference for private discussions…
Stay tuned to The European News Network as this story unfolds….
And now back to "Knightrider-II; The Wrath of Hasselhof"…

NEWSFLASH! Missing Scientists Kidnapped by BARF!

European News Network (ENN),"All the news, delivered with a European Flair, by a Eurobabe…"

Missing scientists and missing "Super Element" confirmed kidnapped by BARF"!!!

(Sudekia) In a flurry of recent events, sources have how confirmed that the 3 missing scientists and their cargo of the rare mysterious "Super Element", Bongolesium, have probably been kidnapped by anti-govt. guerilla forces of the Bongolesian Revolutionary African Front, (BARF).

"Yes indeedy doody, we can pretty much say that it's for sure now dat dese po' chumps got hubbi-jubbied out in duh wilds and are now "guests" of those Hoodlums that seek to further push our country down the road to ruin quicker than it has been going." said General Bunga M'bunga of the National Defense Forces in a recent press conference. "Naturally when we get da word from our beloved President-For-Life, our boys in green will get jiggy and hit them with the pain stick!"

It is said that this information was confirmed with the delivery of a photograph of the missing scientists and a large cargo container with the words "GUESS WHO???" written on it. Further details are sketchy, but National Defense Minister M'umbow Jumbo has said that he is working out the details to verify and confirm this information and meeting with the President to discuss further plans of action. "Naturally I will be in close contact with our esteemed leader and taking his directions very directly." He said with a confirmed nod of a man who seemed to know what he was talking about.
Stay tuned to the European News Networks; where all the news will be delivered with a European Flair by a Eurobabe for further developments…

We now return you to your local scheduled program, and the closing credits of, "Salma Hayeks Bikini Party Fantasy Weekend…"

Sunday, November 30, 2008


European News Network (ENN),"All the news, delivered with a European Flair, by a Eurobabe…"


(Sudekia) Additional Reports are coming out of the African country of Bongolesia that the recent abduction of three prominent scientists by anti-govt. forces may have also included the acquisition of a newly discovered rare "super element" – Bongolesium.Professor Rudolf Von Reinhardt, Professor Art VanDeLay, and Doctor Nigel Percival Incubator-Jones,(All of Perverticus Industries), along with their driver, local native Goh'Speed R'aysur were reported overdue from a research trip into the Bongolesian Outback.A search party found the bullet riddled jeep, along with the bullet riddled body of the late local native Goh'Speed R'aysur, but no sign of the scientists nor the container holding the rare element.
Discovered by accident in the Central Region of Bongolesia near the Goombatz Mountain Range and Lake Damnitsdeep, "Bongolesium" is a rare element that seems to display some "unusual talents".
As one US Scientist said over his third Bourbon and Coke, "While we don't know the full aspects of what Bongolesium can do, I can *burp* say with a b..b..bit of a fact jack, that I think this is "one of those things" that we shouldn't let the Iranians get hold of…if you kn…know what I mean. *hic*"
Scientists around the world have been interested in acquiring and studying the rare element, but most expeditions to the country have been turned back due to lack of "necessary approvals and funding". Indeed it seems that Bongolesium is an amazingly rare element and thus its rarity makes it even more valuable on the open market.
With the recent revelation of the fate of the scientists and their cargo, Bongolesian Leader President-For-Life P'hat Daddee B'wonah expressed interest and gave his full support for the safe return of the missing cargo and the scientists. "It just breaks my heart to see such good stuff, and those scientists get hubbi-jubbied by those hoodlums that would see our country run even further into the ground." He said shaking his head."Of course, in the interests of world peace and prosperity, I shall make all Bongolesian Govt. Assets available to seek a meaningful conclusion to this situation as quickly as possible and in the best interests of all."
After these statements, the President invited all Eurobabes to attend a private cocktail pool party at the Presidential Palace. "It's a good way to have some company while The First Lady, Moolah B'wonah is on an extended trip to the international wig and hairdo conference in Tripoli, Libya."He said with a smile.
More on this story as the situation unfolds…stay tuned to the European News Network; where "All the news, is delivered with a European Flair, by a Eurobabe…"
And now, back to "Bowling with Nuns"…

Friday, November 28, 2008

"NEWSFLASH...Scientists missing in Bongolesia!!!!"

European News Network (ENN),"All the news, delivered with a European Flair, by a Eurobabe…"


(Sudekia) Reports are confirming in this African country of Bongolesia of the possible kidnappings of three prominent scientists by anti-govt. forces.Professor Rudolf Von Reinhardt, Professor Art VanDeLay, and Doctor Nigel Percival Incubator-Jones,(All of Perverticus Industries), along with their driver, local native Goh'Speed R'aysur were reported overdue from a research trip into the Bongolesian Outback.A search party found the bullet riddled jeep, along with the bullet riddled body of the late local native Goh'Speed R'aysur, but no sign of the scientists.Speculation and rumor abounded of the fates of the scientists, until unofficial word was received that they were seen alive along with a large container with unknown contents near a BARF military encampent in Northwestern Bongolesia not too far from the border with the CBPR.Government Officals in Bongolesia will not confirm nor deny that the scientists have been kidnapped by anti-govt. rebels.

(Anti-Govt. rebels may be the reason behind the missing scientists...)

His Excellency, President-For-Life P'hat Daddee B'wonah has scheduled a press conference concerning the situation later today. He has graciously allowed all European News Eurobabes to have front row seats. More info on this evolving situation as we get it.Now…back to our regularly scheduled program of "Dancing With The Homeless"…

Sunday, November 9, 2008

An Overdue Update, (Architecture and BARF)...

Oh my it's been almost two months since my last update on this site! Good gawsh almighty!
Okay, I've done no real AK47 Republic Gaming in quite a while, (almost a year now, oh my!), and instead have been working on painting figs, building scenery, and learning to resin cast. It's hard to learn how to resin cast when you have THREE seperate Arts/Crafts/Hobby Stores and NONE of them carry Alumilite! (Well one did but dropped the brand)...
The last entry that I posted showed the "Bongolesian Arch".
After looking at it, I thought, "This is nice, but it doesn't have the "bling", that makes it look like a national monument.

So I went back to work...
Actually I went to Michaels Arts and Crafts...
I picked up a small pack of small assorted Rhinestone "jewels", and a soft rubbery plastic eagle, (in the science toys section).
A good scrubbing of the eagle, and two coats of primer. (Krylon grey, gotta love Wal-Mart), and then I mounted it on it's base and onto the monument.
I used three different types of "gold" to get the effect that I wanted, finally highlighting it with the "Pure Gold" from P3 (Privateer Press).
I took the rhinestones, and made small indentions into the monument and glued them in, attached the eagle, and added some wording and voila!
So now I present to you (complete), the Bongolesian National Victory Arch of Independence!

(The Bongolesian Victory Arch of National Independence and Unity...along with "almost real" gemstones...)

A close up view of the arch...

An "artistic" oblique view of the arch, showing a PP News Media stand for size comparison...

Hmmm...I've noticed lately that my digital camera seems to be giving me less and less satisfactory pics. Even with light assistance and changed settings I think that it just can't handle the job for what I want it to do...

Of course, it wouldn't be Bongolesia without Anti-Govt opportunists at every corner...

So to help spur on the Revolutionary fervor, (or is that fever?), I present to you, the BARF color bearer!

He's a Peter Pig WWII German Aircraft Mechanic with a metal rod for a staff, and proudly carrying the revolutionary colors of BARF forward to victory!!!

I've also got some more civilians painted up, and the first of my Lions of Allah, and the ship is ALMOST done..(It's taken a back seat to other projects now...grrr..)

More photos and another update soon, I hope!

Comments are appreciated!

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Monuments, Propaganda, and things that float in the water...AND PICS!

Well as promised, and as usual, a long overdue update!
And this time there are pics!!! Woo hoo!
As usual, comments are appreciated. Let me know what you think.
First off;
"The Bongolesian National Independence Victory and Unity Arch"
This structure is found on Avenue De' Main in the Capital City of Sudekia. It was designed and built around 1970 to commemortate the Oct. 22nd 1960 date of National Independence. After President-For-Life P'hat Daddee B'wonah came to power in a successful coup in 1988, it is also commonly known as "The B'wonah Arch".
Grandeur and Splendor; all in one structure to celebrate Bongolesia throwing off the yoke of it's Colonial Masters (according to what they tell you...)

A close up of the arch with a stand of the Peter Pig AK47 Media figs on the road under the main archway for size comparison...

An oblique shot of the same structure, showing some of the construction and weathering. The entire structure was made from a piece of pink insulation foam sandwiched between two pieces of foamcore and glued onto a basswood support. It was then lightly coated with wall spackling, left to dry and then painted and highlighted. I'm thinking that perhaps in the future I will mount something gaudy and "statuelike" on top of it (sorta like the Brandenburg Gate), perhaps an eagle, or a chariot or something...

Moving right along...

Unfortunately, not EVERYONE is happy with the good to it'ness of President-For-Life P'hat Daddee B'wonah as photographs show. This is a recent presidential billboard that has been vandilized by some local BARF hoodlums and thugs. When asked about incidents like this, President B'wonah shook his head sadly and said "It breaks my heart to see my photo and other things in our country ruined by these bored hoodlums and thugs that seem to flock to those people (And you know who you are), that are determined to bring ruin to our country and to kick me outta power. But, my rule is strong and the people want me like no other, and our country will overcome a few thugs and no-gooders intent on painting up things and causing problems!"

Meanwhile the Ministry of National Information and Propaganda has released a new President B'wonah billboard, exhorting his fame and success!

Kind of makes you shiver and shake in the frenzy of his awesomeness, doesn't it?

Another sign from the Ministry of Media, Communications, and Public Affairs are the new signs advertising "DJ B'oogur S'oodek playing da tunes on Radio Joe, AM 7.62"

Meanwhile....more urban goodness as the third of four blocks of "Funkytown" comes into being...This one includes shops, apts, and a tattoo parlor...oh joy...

The front of block #3 of "Funkytown"...nice colors...and the dirt accents the colors quite nicely...

A nice oblique shot showing some of the local graffitti...

A left oblique shot...another "Radio Joe" sign...and some light graffitti....

The back end of block showing rear (escape) exits, and vandalized posters of Fred Sanford...

A close up of some of the graffitti; a growing source of concern in Bongolesia....

And finally.....(whew!)

A while back I got to thinking about having a scenario involving a 15mm Cargo Ship, (based loosely on the old Liberty Ship designs). I was unable to find one in scale, so the idea then began to build one. Looking at the detail on this ship I've decided to take a lot of the detail off in order to make it playable. (Thanks FoW for the description).

So here is the hull of the Sovie..errr..Russian Cargo ship...which will be christened "Головка трещотки" ("Rattlehead") in honor of Rattlehead on TMP and Rattlehead Games!

The Rattlehead is a standard 1950's era Soviet Design Bulk Cargo Freighter. Built in the Vludoduvnia shipyards and launched in 1956, the ship was used for almost 30 years delivering "Farm Equipment" to various third world nations in return for UN/US/Western Food Aid Shipments that were delivered in payment and loaded onto the ship for return back to Mother Russia.

With the end of the Cold War, the ship was reflagged with the Russian Flag and has become (more or less) part of an "independent Russian Merchant Marine", delivering "items of interest" to any customer with hard paying cash, or something beneficial in trade.

It's currently commanded by Capt. Pickyup Andropov, a former Soviet Navy Officer and carries a crew of 20.

It's know to visit African and Arab nation ports frequently, and can occassionally be seen being towed by repair vessels in the Mediterranean. It has a frequent habit of mechanical difficulty and often spends weeks sitting in port waiting for a repair part to arrive from Minsk, or Moscow, or Col. Bubbies WWII Surplus Center in Galveston, Texas... The hull of "The Rattlehead"....neat looking huh?

An oblique shot of the ship, showing the fore, main deck and aft...

A shot of the ship with a Peter Pig AK47 Media crew (3 figs) on a 1X1 inch Litko Aero stand on deck AND the Peter Pig WW1 Steam Launch for size comparison. This is currently THE Largest scratchbuilt item I have ever tried to build.

More pics will be coming as the project wraps up, and I get more stuff painted!

Sunday, August 10, 2008


(The first sign and storage tanks of Perverticus Industries in Bongolesia)

(Really...cut the grass and repaint the tanks and you won't even notice the chemical leakage and seepage...)


From The Ministry of Economic Development, Internal Affairs, and Business Dealings.

For Immediate Release

Press Release;

Perverticus Industries signs contract with Bongolesia Govt. to begin long-term business operations in Bongolesia!

(Sudekia) In a major business move that was highly successful for all parties involved, it was announced today in the capital of our beloved nation that global industrial leader Perverticus Corporation has signed a major contract for Perverticus Industries to begin business operations and investments in Bongolesia.

“This is a fantastic opportunity for all of us to get what we want and to bring in some form of something or other for people to do other than standing around all day wanting to do something else.” Said National Economic Dept. Spokesman Werk’nhard Fo’demoney. “This sweet deal will allow Perverticus Industries to come into some areas that need some stuff and give what they can to get stuff done, and we won’t really mind it that much at all. Their checks don’t bounce.”

Little has been reported to the International Community about the business deal, but details have been leaked out that Perverticus Corporation was seeking a new “overseas location” for the establishment of Perverticus Industries, and that due to the current economic and legal issues with the United States and Europe in the fields of Bio-Organic Nutrient Medical Flux Research and Testing, the Corporation felt that it would be “in their best interest” to bring their facilities to a “less developed nation” which would welcome them with open arms, pockets and not put them under as much scrutiny as most first world nations would.

“After that whole business partnership project failure with UmbrellaCorp, and the recent legal issues with Luthorcorp, Perverticus Corporation had a bit of an image problem and worked their people hard to maintain a professional atmosphere of developing high quality stuff for consumers for the right price.” Said Perverticus spokesman Mr. F.N. Stein as he spoke enthusiastically. “This opportunity should allow our Industrial Base to work full speed on what needs to be done and get things taken care of without all the fuss and hassle that the media, pesky investigators and those meddling kids and their dog were giving us.”

The leader of our country, our beloved President-For-Life P’hat Daddee B’wonah, when asked about the deal said “ Word! Anything that helps fill the void that we have in our lives for what we want is a good thing. We will make sure that the Bongolesian people will know of the opportunity so that they can get what they can and we will make sure that they will work hard to get what they can.”


Whoo boy, it's been a while since the last release. I've been busy, but the the storage tanks and the sign for Perverticus Industries is finally done!

I've been busy painting figures today, and once this round is done, I will have fifty three (53!) more stands of figs for AK47 Republic bringing my figure stand count to righ under the 200 mark, which will actually be almost halfway to my overall goal of having 500 stands of figures. I count each stand as either:

1: A 3 figure group stand.

2: A 2 figure Support weapon stand, (LMG, or RPG, or SNIPER team, etc..)

3: A single figure stand, (Leaders, character, suicide bomber, Professional Snipers, SF, Special Interest Civilians, etc..)

Now let's just hope that my bases from Litko Aero get in this week!

Let me know what you think about the tanks and the sign.

More to come.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Urban Development and other things...

June 22nd...
Well today is the anniversary of "Operation Barbarossa", and the longest day of the year, (from what they tell us). I find it interesting that as of today the days are supposed to "start getting shorter".
But no matter.
I've been on a slight building streak lately, and as promised in my last post, pics of what is going on and being built on my table were forthcoming and have arrived!
The first off is the third block of my four block urban project known as "Funkytown". I've got one more block to do, and then I will be done with it. Four blocks of urban downtown fun for everyone to fight over. This third block, I actually included an establishment (Mama Jujus House O' Good Eats), and used some N scale brick walling to do one side of the building for variety. A tacky paint job, some graffiti and weathering and voila! DONE!
(Block 3 of 4 of Funkytown...Contemporary Urban Living at it's best...*cough cough*)

A close up of the block...more on the VW later on...

No one ever said that city living was clean, or graffiti free...

The weathered brick wall...touched up with some local "graffi...errr.."artwork"...

It wouldn't be Bongolesia without B'wonah letting you know who and where you are...

I have to apologize for the poor pics of this block of Funkytown. For some reason, I have mucho difficulty in getting the building in focus. I used two different digital cameras, (A Samsung 4010, and a KodakCX7530), and both were having trouble taking close up pics of it in focus. Most of the pics I have taken have been with the Samsung, but for some reason the Kodak seemed to do better with this scenic than the previous, but it still didn't do a good job. I can only think that maybe it had something to do with the color coordination, which may have "confused" the camera, (purple, orange, and yellow CAN be a bit of a problem...).
Now that the end is physically in sight for my urban area, I've started working on some other buildings and projects also. Here are a couple of shots of my almost complete National Police Station...

I really just need to finish the doors, put the POLICE signs up, put the grilling/grating on the windows and weather up the building some, and it's pretty much done. I've been a schlub on getting this one done lately, and I need to get it done and off the table.

Next up, is a set of quickly made and painted, "chemical storage tanks". Well weathered and having seen better days, these two tanks are made from the cardboard tube of a paper towel roll, with a cardstock top, and mounted on foamcore! Yes, it's true when they say that you can pretty much use anything when you make stuff for this silly hobby.
I've got to add the groundwork and final touches to it, but it's mostly done.

A friend of mine recently asked me if I could show him what my "slums" look like while they are under construction, so to help him out, here are some pics showing that you CAN use pretty much anything you want to build them. These pics show paper, foamcore, balsa wood, corrugated paper, plasticard, etc..

An overall view of the three remaining slums blocks I need to do. You can see that I have made pathways 1" wide (to accompany a stand of figures to be able to move/fight in them.

Remember, neatness does NOT count in building these!

And finally, just as buildings have seen better days in Bongolesia, so have some cars that are out there and rolling.

This 1:87 VW Kafer was bought at Wally World, (Wal-Mart), and seemed like just a perfect vehicle for the lot of "Idi's Auto Sales". So a few moments with a Dremel brush and about five minutes of quick drybrush and weathering and voila!; vehicle depreciation at it's finest!

On the showroom floor...

Such a pretty paint job...lets take it for a drive in Bongolesia!

Well...that was an "errr..interesting" trip...

Ummm....this car doesn't look so nice anymore...ewww...

Soon to be on the lot at IDI'S AUTO SALES!!!!

I've got a couple of other projects on the pipeline and just started, (including starting to build a 15mm scale cargo ship), and will be getting more back soon.

As always, comments are appreciated.