Monday, December 21, 2009


Wow...has it been three years already???
Yeps. On a windy, grey afternoon, three years ago, I decided to start blogging about everyone's favorite third world African Hell-Hole; that place that we all know and love (to hate).
And while Bongolesia has been around in one form or another for about five years now, it's only been three years that the blog has been up. Sure there was an old Geocities one that I had started, but it's off to the dustbin of internet history.
So, it's also been quiet on this side for a bit, as I have been doing a lot of painting and building for my favorite African land. And to give an idea of how much it has "grown" I decided to try to get pics of most of the vehicles and figures. My goal one day is to get EVERYTHING in one major picture, (or a couple of pictures and make a panaorama)... There's just simply so much, that I have right now that it's almost impossible with the little table and room that I have.
But Pics are needed on this all important pics there are...

We start of with ..."The Main Man"...

His Dicatatorshipness, President-For-Life P'hat Daddee B'wonah, the ruler of Bongolesia since approx 1987, due to a successful coup against the corrupt government of the nation. Looks kinda spiffy in his uniform don't you think?
Next up, the boys in Green...

Yes, the ever fighting, hard charging National Defense Forces. Infantry, Armor, Support, Trucks, etc...(Missing is the Mi-24, and some additional trucks, due to mechanical difficulties)....

A shot of the NDF forces, Presidential Guard, , Some BARF technicals, civvies, all in all a small smorgasbord of some of the many vehicles I have for this nation in crisis.

1st and 2nd Bongolesian Reconnaissance (Light and Heavy), make their appearance....

The Presidential Limo, a 1959 Caddilac with custom "Misty Purple" paint job, (courtesy of Dos Hommiez out of Southern Los Angeles, California).
Another shot of some of the many figs and vehicles I have. The US Troops, UN Troops, BARF Troops, Mercenaries, along with helicopters, the C47, and a slew of civvie vehicles are missing...
The nuns of "Our Lady of Benevolent Suffering" along with their Mother Superior (Sister Mary- Hermann-Goering), and their Reliable 1957 Chevy Nomad Station Wagon with it's ever known name of "Swanky"...
Some of the civilian (European Refugees) that are always fleeing the country when it starts to fall apart....
Some of the many "characters" that's been featured (or wil be featured in further Bongolesian Adventures). From L to R. Bongolesium Scientists, Eurobabe Hostages, "Idi" from Idi's Auto Sales, (Buy Less! Pay More!), Bodonga the Apostle, Bodyguard, The Reverend Father Doctor John, (leader of the Oingo Boingo Cult), Thriller Michael, "Rumbo" (jungle fighter extraordinnaire), Father Christmas, Miss Vienna Dupree, and Kimba The Lion...
And as we celebrate our third birthday with this blog, we realize that Christmas is just around the corner, and how Bongolesians love to get...and recieve what better way to end this post than with a pic of the man in the red suit Bongolesia...

My thanks to everyone out there for a great (although quiet) third year in the "Big B", and will be putting more up soon, (including more buildings, some history, and a few games when they are run!). My thanks to those that read this blog and support it, and the hobby of miniature wargaming, which without it, this little world of mine would never have found a place or a voice...
Merry Christmas to all and a Happy New Year from Bongolesia!!!!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009


So the other day I go to the mailbox...
And it's full of stuff, stuff, bills, and more stuff.
I look at the important things, and then put the "stuff" in my "to be looked at later pile"...
So I'm checking out the pile, and lo and behold...a piece of mail from
addressed to "guess where"...

(blackened lines protect personal info)...

All righty then.... is an approved vendor for the US Post Office.

So, the Post Office is now sending mail to Bongolesia via me?...

Ummm..has anyone told these folks that "It isn't real?"

But wait...if Bongolesia is getting mail...

Then...that could possibly mean that they have identified it as a real nation...

And thus if the US Postal Service is sending mail to Bongolesia, (or at least addressed to Bongolesia), then...

That means that technically Bongolesia has been recognized (in some sort of way), by the US Government!!!! the next step is...

A: Do I inform them that it isn't real?


B: Do I contact the State Dept, and request to open diplomatic negotiations and possibly request a nice big international aid package???

Hmmm....decisions, decisions....

Tuesday, September 15, 2009




For Immediate Distribution

OMENCORP to take over Perverticus Industries Operations in Bongolesia

(Sudekia): In a worldwide broadcast this morning, it was announced that OMENCORP, has successfully negotiated the annexation of Perverticus Industries and all operating assets in Bongolesia.
Speaking briefly while on a trip to the Carpathian Mountains in Romania, Omencorp President Lucifer Drake said “This is a great day for Bongolesia, and for Omencorp. “Omencorp has a long, rich, history of working with lesser developed nations, and providing the goods, and services that they need and deserve to get. The people of Bongolesia have made a wonderful and wise choice in assisting with this deal.”
Omencorps name is known the world over as a leading provider in goods, services, and international development projects designed at increasing market shares and developing future market resources for increased profitability.
With its World Headquarters in Brussels, Omencorp has direct business operations in numerous countries and assists in many more. The World Headquarters oversees the continental operations, and each continent has it’s own headquarters which is then sub-routed to the Regional Headquarters for each country that Omencorp works in.
It had been discussed in the past that Perverticus Industries was having problems upholding it’s contract deals with the Bongolesian Govt. and discussions were taking place on the possibility of Perverticus Industries selling their interests in Bongolesia.
Without any further information on the deal, it seems that this may be the case.
“With the current world economic situation and the way things is goin, we needed to look at the alternative situations of what we could do and get.” Said Nat’l Affairs Spokesman Sp'in Dok'tur. “This deal with Omencorp will give the Bongolesian people of our nation what they should all get and ensure that they should get theirs.”
Mr. Drake upon hearing the news from Sudekia, said while nodding and smiling. “I agree! I personally guarantee that we at Omencorp will work our magic in Bongolesia and insure that the Bongolesian Govt, and especially The Bongolesian People get what they deserve…”
Details are sketchy, but information suggests that Omencorp will have initial personnel in country within 2 weeks and scheduled assumption of Perverticus Industries Facilities and Operations will be complete by 1 October.

Shares of Omencorp rose to 6.66 ($ USD)
Shares of Perverticus Industries fell on the news to 1.87 ($ USD)
Bongolesian Bling-Bling Currency Exchange Rate/Value rose today as a result of the current economic news and industrial announcement to 1 Bling-Bling (BB) = 0.08 ($ USD); a rise of 0.02 since yesterday.

More information on this exciting development as it unfolds!

Sunday, June 28, 2009

The Lions of Allah; a growing problem for B'wonah...

While working on Bongolesia, I had decided that I wanted to push another "faction" into the fray. We already have BARF, and we have the local Oingo Boingo Cult. But I wanted a "hard" dedicated religious faction that could be used to shape the present and the future of this beleagured African Country. And so dear reader I give you "The Lions Of Allah" (LOA).

(PLEASE NOTE: This is a fictitious faction loosely based on certain groups within Africa. It's not meant to upset anyone with delicate sensibilities. Heck, if your sensibilities are THAT delicate and fragile, you shouldn't even BE on this blog!)

With the recent Islamic surge throughtout Africa, the nation of Bongolesia has not been exmpeted from the rising tide of Islamic Extemeist and Fundamentalist problems.

Among the major factor in this issue is an organization known as "The Lions of Allah", or LOA.

The LOA is a recent new organization within the power scheme of Bongolesia as is the Islamic religion, but it and the religion are growing steadily. African Islamic Power is establishing itself in the main cities of Sudekia, and Port Tuziak, with the first Mosques open for worship five years ago. It's thought that approx 10% of the general stable population is Islamic. Currently the B'wonah regime allows the religion within the country as long as it doesn't challenge his authority.

However unknown to him it is being challenged.

The current Islamic Leader in Bongolesia is Mullah Ach'med A'hmed P'ita Eetuh. A recent transplant from Sudan; the Mullah has been in country for approximately two years and has worked on winning the hearts and minds of the Bongolesian people and spreading Islam throughout the country. All of his efforts in the long run DOES increase his power base.

Despite words from his fellow Ayatollahs, etc. Mullah P'ita Eetuh has jumped ahead of the standard schedule of "Islamitization", and has already allowed a small branch of diehards (The LOA), the begin small scale operations to destablize the country and help push the people (at the point of a bayonet if necessary), towards Islam with the overall goal to replace the B'wonah regime with an Islamic African Nation, (with himself in charge of course)...

(Mullah Ach'med Ahmed P'ta Eetuh; the man in power and giving orders to the LOA. He senses his destiny and knows that history has a place for him...)

While overall information on the size and organization of the LOA is very sketchy at this time, and hard to come by, it is known that the LOA seems proficient in small group operations. Small cell teams of less than a dozen, (usually smaller than this), seem to be their main modus operandi. In some areas and cases they have been known to operate in smaller groups of 2-4 personnel each.

They are proficient in ambush attacks and seem to prefer hit and run, rather than stand and fight operations. Perhaps this is due to their objectives, or because of limited size and/or equipment.

Most LOA activities are concentrated at night in smaller towns and surrounding villages where "LOA Law", and "Tithes" are enforced and enacted upon the populace. Despite the intervention of Local Police, and NDF forces, there has been no concrete evidence (yet), that the LOA individuals are in any way associated with the mullah. He in fact disavows them and says that "their actions are not of what he preaches."

President B'wonah is still skeptical though. So until evidence linking the mullah to the LOA can be found, (or decently fabricated), the Mullah remains alive and free to preach, (and plan), without having to worry about receiving a "B'wonah Brain Hemmorrahge"...


Figures for the LOA:

I'm currently using Peter Pigs Arab figures mixed in with Regular Milita figs to flesh out the forces for the LOA.

To help users with id'ing figs, I have decided that support weapon teams (2 figs, LMG, RPG, etc), will have at least 1 figure (the major figure), wearing a red headress with white stripes, (or is that white with red stripes???)....hmmm..

Here are some that I have painted up right now...

(A LOA RPG team, ready for action...)

(An LOA Attack force, in training at a "secret camp"...Note the different styles of headdress...)

(A picture of an LOA "martyr" force in front of a recently vandalized wall of B'wonah Posters...)



(Sudekia): The National Govt. released information today an important official announcement whereupon our nation has decided to engage the country of Australia in diplomatic accords.
“Look, we were thumbing through some of the records that we had in our boxes and files, and realized that we had never opened up international relations with Australia.” Said National Spokesman Sp'in Dok'tur. “After checking to see what the deal was with Australia, we sent a message to his excellency our wonderful leader, President-For-Life P’hat Daddee B’wonah, outlining our regards and schemes to recognizing and opening up relations with Australia.”

(Bongolesia and Australia: A WONDERFUL Future together!)

“We seen on the map that they are on an island completely surrounded by water, just like Gilligan and the Skipper, and the rest of them folks.” He continued. When we reviewed what was going on with them, our wise president said that “we as Bongolesians”, should do our best to get with the Australians and let them have what we have to offer them, because we have so much to offer. And they have so much to offer to us also. We would be so much better off with what they have to offer, that it’s a win-win situation!”

Current plans for a diplomatic mission to be undertaken are being drawn up as this is released. It’s known that Ambassador T'ooka Dump will probably the main diplomat sent on this historic sojourn.

(Ambassador T'ooka Dump our main man for the Australians)

“As a duly noted representative of the Bongolesian Govt. under the fantastic leadership of President-For-Life B’wonah I will do my best to get under their skin in the de land o’ plenty and help them get to know us better, and know how we can benefit from this diplomacy…” Ambassador T'ooka Dump said with a smile while reviewing his stock options.

It is hoped that the Australian Govt. will open their entire nation up and accept The Bongolesian People and their intentions with open arms and the sugary sweetness of future fuzzy warm relations between Bongolesia and Australia in the spirit of international goodwill, cooperation, realtions, and exchange.
More info to be released as events unfold...

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Bongolesia's Neighbors - The Mysterious Fandango Republic PT 1...

Now that it seems we have established some basic knowledge of Bongolesia and it's inner workings, some folks have asked me about it's "neighbors"; who are they and what are they, and most of all, what is their relationship to Bongolesia.
So after reviewing all current intelligence info, and perusing old articles from "The Weekly World News", and catching up on my 1987-1988 episodes of "As The World Turns", I've turned my attention to the first of a two parter on Bongolesia's Southern Neighbor; The Mysterious Fandango Republic...
Beyond the Southern Border of Bongolesia lies The Fandango Republic, (also occasionally known as “The Mysterious Fandango Republic”).
The Fandango Republic (known as “FR” for short in this article), is an African nation that shares a common border with Bongolesia and the CBPR, along with a joint triple border area, as well as a disputed region of coastline of the Great African Sea.
Bongolesian Intelligence officially knows little about the comings, goings, and doings of the FR government, but President-For-Life B’wonah holds them in low regard (as well as his other two neighbors).

The FR is slightly smaller in land size than Bongolesia but due to it’s geographical location, receives as much rainfall as the Central and Southern Regions of Bongolesia.
The FR does not have the grasslands, desert plateaus, and sub-Saharan geography such as Bongolesia does. Instead, the majority of the country is lush agricultural valleys and gently rolling hills, which have created countless streams, which nourish the soil. Agriculture is the main export in the FR, and the FR govt. is extremely dedicated to successful agricultural production with large amounts of money going towards fertilizers, hybrid grains, etc.
Besides the rich valleys and farmland of the FR, a small mountain range runs on an NW-SE axis along the Southern Border of the country. This mountain range has produced small amounts of gold, diamonds and bauxite, and large amounts of quartz, gypsum, and talc as well.
From the talc and gypsum mines the FR has created perhaps the most successful foot and crotch powder industry in the entire African Continent.
“Uncle Korns Rubbing Powder For Your Feet and What’s Between Your Legs” is sold across the continent and has been a major staple on shelves for the last 10 years.
The coastline of the FR is mostly rocky with beaches of varying size interspersed along the coast. Recently these beaches have become the scene of an increased and dedicated tourist trade focused on bringing foreign tourists (and their currency) to the country.

A map showing the shared border of Bongolesia and The Fandango Republic.

Cities and Government;
The Capitol City of The FR is the coastal city of Montalbania (named in honor of Actor Ricardo Montalban), who was dedicated to ensuring that the people of all social classes of the FR had the ability to enjoy rich Corinthian Leather. Due to his popularity with the people in the FR, Ricardo Montalban was awarded The Legion of the Flamingo with crossed scimitars and palm leaves; one of the highest awards in the nation.
Currently due to trade and “cultural differences”; the Bongolesian Govt. jams the TV signals for Fantasy Island that are beamed out of Montalbania.

Ricardo Montalban; A Foreign “Citizen of Honor and Hero of the Fandangonian People”…

Besides the Capitol City of Montalbania there are three major cities within the country:

Gulladoon: a coastal city which has the largest harbor facilities in the nation, and is thus the shipping center for import and export merchant vessels. Gulladoon is also home to the nations only “clothing optional beach”…

Bazookalonia: a mid sized city located in the central midlands of the country, this growing city is a major manufacturing and transportation hub for many of the smaller towns and villages in the region. It is the headquarters for The Uncle Korn Company, and added a second rail-line connecting it with Montalban, and Gulladoon.

Wallader: like Bazookalonia is another mid sized city. Located further to the south and not very far from the Southern Border, it is home to the FAF (Fandango Air Force) training center. Due to the close proximity of the mining facilities in the nearby mountain range, Wallader is very much what is known as “A blue-collar town”. Factories, services, and transportation centers are all there to assist with the ores brought down from the mountain. Many young Fandangonian men travel to Wallader looking for jobs.

The Fandango Republic (FR) is technically ruled by a constituonally elected parlimentary majority with a party elected “National-Premier” as the head of the Govt.
The Premier’s term is only interrupted once every six years for a mandatory election, or when his party ousts him, or the opposing parties are able to garnish enough legislative support to force a constitutional vote of confidence. In theory a majority vote of “no confidence” is enough to force new elections within two weeks, however with the current political majority ruling the country for the last 14 years and keeping the opposing parties divided and weak, a no-confidence vote is unlikely anytime soon.


Part II to be continued...

Saturday, April 18, 2009

The Goomba Fly

The Goomba Fly;
(Musca Goomba-nastyous Bongolese Africanus)

“It’s a particulary vile example of creation given to us by an ever loving God. Indeed Darwin himself would be repulsed at the general overall vile-ness of this flying thing filled reeking of germs and unpleasantries. To step on one is to step upon a bad cream pastry, while the most misfortunate of us has had one of them fly into our mouths. They are not tasty, and seem to be to drawn towards human mouths. Ewww…”
From the diary of Lady Anne Willsow-Hollsby
On her return journey to England and stopping over in Sudekia
June 1892

The Bongolesian Goomba Fly; (Musca Goomba-nastyous Bongolese Africanus); is the most common of the “wild” flies that infest the continent of Africa. Larger than the standard housefly, the Goomba Fly for all purposes seems to be an enlargened version of the common horsefly except for a few particular traits.
During the mating season, the internal organs of the Goomba fly turn from the standard “pasty crème” yello color to a bluish-green color that resembles bad birthday cake frosting.
It’s during this time that the Goomba Fly is most aggressive, and it’s innards seem to swell in size. It makes one wonder how “so much guts could be contained in such a small body”, but such is the mysteries of science…
Goomba flies are indigenous to Bongolesia, and the people have learned to put up with them. They are well known for flying into peoples mouths, and attempting to use human orificies as a place to lay their eggs. They also seem to be attracted to fecal matter, and human sweat.
A well known Bongolesian tribal saying is “His mouth is full of Goomba Flies”; which means essentially that “he is talking too much about things he doesn’t know of”…

Most tourists to Bongolesia are warned of Goomba flies, and are advised that when travelling in the wilds to keep a mouth cover near so that they might prevent a “Mouth to Goomba Fly” encounter.

In fact the Bazunga Tribe of the Central Bongolesian Highlands speaks of one of the reasons they remain in the higher altitudes is “less Goomba Flies, and our breath doesn’t stink…”

Sunday, April 12, 2009

A bit of Bongolesian History...

"They are generally a sad, lazy, lot; given to spending long hours of their days working hard at trying not to work, and spending more time and energy to find reasons not to do something than doing it in the first place and getting it done. What Her Majesty's Empire would do with people like this is a question that I shall always seek to answer, and sadly feel as if it shall never be answered."

- Col. George Willowby-Stratton
6th Royal African Geographic Study
2nd Bongolesian Colonial Expedition
July 1878

The Bongolesian Situation
Current Fighting 2005 -

In order to understand the latest episode in the series of military actions in Bongolesia, one must understand the basis for the fighting which has been a steady mark on this nations history.
Before going into great detail on the causes and origins of the Bongolesian Civil War and it’s aftermath, it must be stressed that the current operational conflicts from 2005 to the present has not been one long, continuous struggle, but a series of violent affairs and clashes, along with fierce pitched battles, numerous raids, ambushes, and massacres, as well as coups and attempted coups; separated by varying amounts of “peace” in which small actions were continued. The origins of this conflict date farther back to the original achievement of Bongolesian independence in 1960; and the struggle of the Bongolesian people under the colonialism of the Belgians, French, Italians, and the British.

19th Century Colonialism and World War I.


Bongolesia, like many other African countries was colonized and claimed by various European powers wanting to spread their influence throughout the world in the latter half of the 19th Century. England, France, Italy, and Belgium all jumped at the chance of the possibility of additional riches and gleefully claimed portions of the country for their nations. Each country claimed a portion of the land, (which in true European colonial fashion usually had their geographic borders overlying each others and completely ignoring the boundaries of other nations); and built a harbor, schools, rail lines, government buildings, and everything else that was needed to run a successful colony as well as stabilizing and exploiting the native population into a loyal, efficient, and subservient workforce. Looking for riches and marketable goods, the European powers sent explorers into the wilds, jungles, and the mountains looking for the gold, diamonds, and other precious goods that were so plentiful on the rest of the continent that could be extracted by the labor of the native population.
They were to be sorely disappointed.
Many of the explorers and exploring parties that were sent out at this time didn’t return at all, and it is often said that certain tribes in the Bongolesian Highlands ate very well during this time. In fact one tribe (The “Bazunga Tribe” of the Central Bongolesian Jungle Highlands mark a certain day each year in their calendar in remembrance of “The Great White Feast”…)
Those that did return came back with a sad, disappointing story.
The diamonds and gold weren’t there just waiting to be dug out by native workers. The great herds of elephants, with their ivory tusks, did not roam the grasslands waiting to have their tusks taken to market. Lions, cheetahs, and panthers were not so abundant as to supply fashion conscious European ladies with pelts and furs that they craved to help ward off the cold winter winds, and yet to stay in style. Disappointed, frustrated, and disillusioned, many of the nations resumed their conquest of the rest of the African continent.
During this time period, not only did explorers go out into the wilds, but “The Men of God” went also…
The Christian Religion was introduced into Bongolesia and the natives were generally found to be apathetic to Christianity on the whole, but certain tribes once again found missionaries to be quite tasty. Protestants and Catholics alike, sent missionaries into the jungles… Some came back…some didn’t. (The Bazunga Tribe describes this time period in their local lore as “Meals given by Heaven”…) With the absence of any obvious local resources that could be easily exploited, and the overall atmosphere of the local native population being generally apathetic towards any type of improvement or influence, the Europeans pretty much ignored Bongolesia and looked upon it as little more than a “second hand” colony.
In a way, this was more of a blessing than originally realized as Bongolesia was spared the many of the problems that other areas of Africa were given due to European colonization.
The harbors were used as rest stops and supply points for ships going round the cape, but that was about it.
The native Bongolesians were treated as lower second-class citizens by the white colonial powers and the overall land, activity and general attitude about Bongolesia generally did not change and it was basically ignored until 1914 and the First World War.


In 1914, the First World War broke out and the armies of Europe quickly threw themselves against one another in masses un-thought of, with horrifying results. Casualty rates were enormous and practically unbelievable. As casualties rose to horrendous proportions, nations scrambled to provide more men to throw into the human meat grinder that was officially known as “The Western Front”. Colonial Troops that were stationed in Africa were suddenly sent to Europe or Turkey to join into the fray
By 1915, it was evident that the British Fleet was still sovereign on the seas, and the Central Powers had decided to affect the supplies of raw materials for the Allied War effort coming from Africa. Although the German intervention in East Africa is well documented, there has been little ever mentioned about the smaller, bloody, German actions in Bongolesia.
In July of 1915, a small German Force under the command of Oberst-General Freidrich von Heidentorffer landed on the Southeastern coast of the country. Heidentorffer had been to Bongolesia twice before in 1910 (on his way back to Germany and from a disastrous romantic dalliance with the daughter of an Arabic Sultan); and in late 1913 as his passenger vessel stopped over for repairs it had suffered in a minor storm at sea (while he was on his way to “somewhere” after fleeing a disastrous romantic dalliance with an up and coming German Opera Singer who had caught him during their engagement in an even more romantic dalliance with a Parisian Can-Can Girl…). Being the only German officer that had been to Bongolesia, (much less even heard of it), the Kaiser appointed him the Officer In Charge of “Military Actions Against The Enemy Forces of Germany in Bongolesian Afrika.”
Heidentorffer was no fool. He was smart, sneaky, savvy, and realized that the Allied Powers could use the harbors as refueling and repair facilities for their naval vessels supporting any operations against German interests in the East African Region. He realized that by stirring up the issues and using the native Bongolesians against the colonial rulers, it would, tie up various Allied Resources, and perhaps close the harbors to Allied Shipping. He also realized that if Germany won the war and he was successful in this operation that he could cut himself out a nice little piece of land here in the Kaisers New Afrikan-Empire and hide out here when he needed to hide out from the ensuing fall outs of his romantic dalliances.
In early July, Heidentorffer landed on the island with approximately 200 troops, some engineers, a couple of Maxim machine guns, and a small field gun. During the period of August and September 1915, he secretly met with various Bongolesian Tribal leaders, and supplied them with weapons and ammunition and led them to believe that he was there to help them push out their “colonial overseers”, (all the time carefully managing not to inform the Bongolesian tribal leaders that once Germany won the war, it would be Germany being the new colonial overseer in Bongolesia instead of France, Italy, Belgium, and England).
Heidentorffers actions in Bongolesia went about completely unnoticed by any of the European powers that had administrations there and they were completely unaware of the German presence or the growing uprising as they were too busy seeing how many men could die daily on the Western Front in their umpteenth failed attack against well prepared defenses.
With a carefully constructed plan, (that soon went awry, much to Heidentorffers dismay and horror), the Bongolesian natives struck out at the Allies. The uprisings and rebellion started with nighttime attacks against outlying towns and Military outposts and soon degenerated into rampant vicious lawlessness, anarchy, and “revengeful brutality” towards “their colonial masters”. Telegraph wires were cut down to prevent news of what was happening to be sent to other towns in the country, and a French Train was derailed. Smaller towns were completely burned and many men, women, and children, (European and Bongolesians) were killed or taken captive and forced into the jungle, while military captives were usually found tortured or executed in a manner most grim, and fat missionaries got the worst of it as they simply became “repas du jour” or “the meal of the day”, (according to the Bazunga Tribe).
The Belgian Military Camp, of “Emmel De Belgique” was completely overrun and the defenders and inhabitants slaughtered completely and without mercy.
The savagery of the attacks threw Heidentorffers plan off, for now, he knew that Allied retaliation would be swift and hard. Despite the fact that he urged restraint upon the citizens of the captured areas as he felt that "Live prisoners would be better than dead bodies”; he argued, but the Bongolesian natives who had suffered all those many, many years of European Colonialism, would hear nothing of it.

(A rare photo of German Soldiers under Heidentorffers command in the field.)

The situation and savagery had gotten to the point that the only safe areas were the larger port cities of Sudekia, Port Kensington-Hyde-White, and the French Port City of Javiers, (later to be known as Port Tuziak). The Belgian Port City of Brusel-de-Bongolese, (later to be known as Waughtown) was harassed daily, and it was only the courage of the Combined French Foreign Legion, Belgian Colonial Troops, and a handful of Italian Troops plus a platoon of men from His Majesty’s Royal 112th Field Mess Kit Repair Battalion (that had been left behind when their unit was sent to Gallipoli), that saved it from suffering the same fate as the camp.
Nonetheless, word did get out by wireless of the attacks on the country, and relief was in sight.
On the 2 of September, the citizens of Port Kensington-Hyde-White awoke to the sight of 12 Royal Navy ships sitting off the coast. The fleet was led by the battle cruiser HMS Vanguard, and consisted of itself, 6 destroyers, a supply vessel, two transport steamers, a coaler, and a medical transport ship. Those that were still asleep in the port city were awakened when the number 2 turret on the Vanguard; with its dual eight inch guns, announced it’s arrival by sending shells high over and beyond the town and into the jungle to signal that they were there.
Heidentorffer knew his days on Bongolesia were numbered and started quickly to make defense and withdrawal plans. He hadn’t the men or supplies to hold out in a long protracted action against the Allies, and the thought of him actually risking being killed in battle scared him silly. With careful instructions and guidance he moved his men back, (along with those natives that were with him).
Within an hour of the guns firing from HMS Vanguard, the pipes, of the 12th Scottish Royal Rifles were heard as the troops moved through the streets to cheering crowds. Within two days, elements of the Royal Marines had landed to support Sudeka, Javiers, (Port Tuziak), and Brusel-De-Bongolese (Waughtown). Within a week, additional troops from France, Italy, and Belgium, along with a small Canadian force, had secured the cities from attacks and had begun a counteroffensive which moved slowly due more to command inefficiency rather than enemy resistance.
The operations to re-take the land from the natives lasted less than three months. By the end of December 1915, all cities and townships had been secured, and the majority of the countryside was in allied control, as the Bongolesian natives realized that they could get more from the Allies than from the Germans and conveniently switched sides due to easy bribes. The allies then first realized the involvement of the Germans when a German Courier was shot dead by a Royal Marine. Now the allies knew of the German involvement upon the country. By January 1916, the allied force on Bongolesia had increased and the city of Sudekia had a primitive airfield with three fighter planes. Despite the efforts of the allies though, the hunt for the elusive Germans was relatively unsuccessful. In January of 1916, Heidentorffer and his element, (having lost only four troops in the entire affair), was successfully extracted from the coastline under the cover of darkness on a German Freighter. Even with the disappearance of the main insurgent element from the country, old hatreds dies hard, and as a result there would be numerous small “incidents” between Bongolesian insurgents and the occupying colonial powers until the mid 1920’s.
After the extraction of Heidentorffer and his forces, Bongolesia remained quiet (except for some local native unrest) and undisturbed by the rest of WWI, and once again slowly drifted out of the attention and conciousness of the world, spending the rest of The First World War, as a quiet backwater African Colonial Territory...
Heidentorffer went on to finish out his service to the Kaiser and the war without ever seeing the glory, or attention that he tried to get. Tragically he ended up being shot dead in the summer of 1919 by the jealous husband of an Italian silent film actress who found his wife and the former German Officer in a rather "dubious" position, and solved the problem once and for all with five shots from his revolver...

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

General M'Bunga "Retires"...

From the Bongolesian Observer (The B.O.)...
(Sudekia) After decades of dedicated service to the Nation, General B'unga M'Bunga retired gracefully today.
A dedicated and emotional "going away" ceremony was held at Camp K'illemall, Home of the Bongolesian National Defense Military Command Headquarters, right outside of Sudekia.
General M'Bunga was presented with a bouquet of flowers, and honored with "The Military Order of The Screaming Jackal"; a special award given to those who have dedicated themselves to making sure that Bongolesia is first in the hearts of it's countrymen, and ensuring that military protocol and discipline upon the land is kept.
President-For-Life P'hat Daddee B'wonah graced the ceremony with his presence and awarded the medal to General M'Bunga. He said "This is a good example of how far you can get when you get what you want and want to get more of what you want. General M'Bunga knew how to do what it was that he knew how to do and did it so well that he did it too good sometimes but good enough for other times. We are going miss him and his smiles and dedication to our country, but we know that he will come to our aid and his nation if necessary. We wish him a longer life and a happy one."
Under the watchful eyes of the President, First Lady, Officers of the NDF and the Bongolesian Presidential Guard, the NDF made an impressive pass in review in dedication to General M'Bunga.
"'s about that time." The General said softly with a tear in his eye. He said that he looked foward to spending his days reflecting upon his service to the nation, and what he can do "to be a good citizen"...
After the ceremony, there was a light reception with entertainment provided by The Bootles, (a hip little up and coming musical group).
General M'Bunga was pretty quiet about his future activities but said that he was looking at vacationing and "travelling overseas" a bit.
President B'wonah is scheduled to announce General M'Bunga's successor in the next few days...
We wish the General well in his retirement...

(Thanks for the memories, General M'Bunga...)

Sunday, February 22, 2009

What's been going down in Bongolesia lately...

Well here we are in the month of Feb, and I have schlubbed off and not finished the AAR...
I'll get to that, (eventually)... update the latest news from Bongolesia...

For those of you not keeping up with "All that's hip and happenin' in the "Big B"…Here's some updates.

1: A new deal was signed with the Government of China to allow some "engineers" to come in country and "oversee" some construction and implementation projects.
2: The Ice Machine at the Bongo Hilton has been fixed again. The manager asks customers to please refrain from stealing the copper condenser coils or shooting the machine.
3: Idis Auto Sales is HAVING A SALE!!!! 3 new running cars are on the lot and they are gonna go fast fast fast! So come in and get your wheels today!!!!
4: Successful postal deliveries to urban areas is up by 2.17%. This is letters only. There still seems to be a slight problem with package deliveries.
5: A new diving board has been installed at the Sudekian Bongolesian Publik Pool! Come in and try it out!
6: A retirement ceremony for General B'unga M'bunga is scheduled for March 3rd.
7: Gossip in Sudekia is rife with the rumor that Wang Chung may play live at "The Bongo Club".
8: Russian Pilots have arrived to Sudekia to demonstrate to the B'wonah Goverment two possible aircraft that may be sold to Bongolesia. The MiG27, and the YaK36 may be sold to the BAF in limited numbers along with support, and training provided by the Russian Govt.
9: SNAK SHAK is pleased to annouce the opening of a new franchise outside of Lonnieville. Please come by and try out our local delicacy, "Meat on a stick"…
10: The US Govt has announced that their embassy in Bongolesia will be formally opened and functional on the 1st of April.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Coming soon to a bookstore near you!!!!

Just in time for the New Year and for making ALL of your holiday travel plans!
A delightful book outlining all that the savvy traveller needs to know when visiting this exotic locale.
This book will cover all the questions that you, The Savvy Traveller will have when going to Bongolesia including;
An overview of Bongolesia, with a quick summary of history, the current presidential administration, culture, daily life, what to expect, who to believe and trust, etc...

All of this is covered in 23 wonderful chapters:

1: Travel, (What to do, what not to do, who to pay off, and what not to eat)...
2: Toilet Paper, (Bring yer own)...
3: Now that you're here...
4: Getting through customs, (with most of your luggage)...
5: Travelling around Sudekia...
6: The "Wonderful" Bongolesian People...
7: The "Not So Wonderful" Bongolesian People...
8: The "Really Not So Wonderful" Bongolesia People...
9: The "Scummy Low Life" Bongolesian People...
10: Bongolesian Culture
11: Bongolesian Cuisine
12: Bongolesian Nightlife, (aka "Booty-call")
13: Travelling outside of the Cities.
14: Animals that you may encounter in the wilds, (including a listing of at least half a dozen species that may try to eat you, both four legged AND two legged)...
15: Landmine identification guide.
16: What to do in case of trouble.
17: Guidelines and helpful tips if you get taken hostage.
18: Exploring the local villages.
19: What not to do to the Local Witch Doctor.
20: Helpful Phone #'s for assistance, reporting guerilla activity, or informing friendly officials of your predicament.
21: What to do when dealing with The Bongolesian Authorities.
22: much you need, when you need it, where to carry it...and make sure you can get some more...
23: Enjoying your stay in Bongolesia.

So get yours today! Copies will be selling fast!!!!

Saturday, January 3, 2009

2009 in Bongolesia, a chat with Alan Alda, and other things...

Well it's 2009 in Bongolesia and despite the recent nastiness up in the Northwestern corner of the country, (Which will be addressed REAL SOON), things seem to be normal in the daily lives of Bongolesians throughout the country.
The New Year Celebrations helped bring in the New Year with joyous noise, music, par-tays, and all sorts of merry mischief and mayhem that Bongolesians are well known for.
There was a little damage as someone fire-bombed three porta-toilets at a construction site in Waughtown, and some shop windows were broken by over-festive party-goers, but overall the damage was minimal, fires were controlled, and only 4 people killed.
"2009 promises to be an interesting year for our beloved nation..." Said Bongolesian National Spokesman S'pin Doc'tur. "Already things are happening behind the scenes that will cause the world to sit up and open their eyes and notice that we is who we is."

(Happy Bongolesian Children ring in the New Year in "de land 'o plenty...")

(And they partied in the new year in the villages too. Much more than usual now that a lot of the landmines have been removed...)

More to come on this as things develop...

Also, during the holidays The Staff of Whiny Now! Magazine was able to get an exclusive interview with actor and social emasculator Alan Alda on what he thought about the recent crisis and issues in Bongolesia.
At a recent sit down in a Artistic Faux-French Coffee and Pastry shop in Beverly Hills, Mr. Alda was able to give his ideas and opinions on Bongolesia. While sipping on his cinnamon sprinkled foamy latte, Mr. Alda was able to speak openly on Bongolesia...

"Bongolesia is an amazing country, unlike the US because it's There are things there that we don't have over here. I blame the US administration for their problems. Being able to understand the plight of the poor from my home here in Southern California, I can see the misery that comes out of that country and the need for assistance.
I also understand that there are issues over there involving their government and military actions against the peaceful Marxist rebels of that nation. Such thuggery, and shenanigans should be outlawed in the international community and the UN should condemn the actions as illegal. I mean, (sipping a cinnamon sprinkled, white foamy latte), there are UN peacekeepers there, why aren't they keeping the peace?
I can understand that the recent crisis issues in that country interrupted The Alan Alda Winter End Season End Years End Holiday Fest and Musical Extravaganza which by the way had the highest ratings for any show I have ever hosted, but there comes a time when the world must sit up and take notice for what is going on in there. I blame the US for this..."

(Mr Alan Alda...a very passionate man about Bongolesia. He seems to know a lot...)

The rest of the article will soon be posted in an upcoming issue of Whiny Now! magazine.
Be sure to look for it on your newstands!!!!

In other news, there is unconfirmed rumor that with the New Year here, there will be some "reassignments" going on at the National Defense Headquarters. Already it is rumored that General B'unga M'bunga will probably be retiring soon to a well deserved retirement and military pension for his grand service to the nation.

(Puttin' out to pasture? General M'Bunga, rumored to be retiring soon...)

More to come on this situation as things develop...

As usual comments are appreciated!