Thursday, December 25, 2008

A Christmas Message From Bongolesia...

From the Presidential Palace of His Excellency, President-For-Life P'hat Daddee B'wonah...

"Greetings to all that hears these words on dis most wonderdfull of holidays. As President of the wonderful nation of Bongolesia, I send all my loving and greetings to you until you are full of it. I have so much to give to you that we should all be thankful.
As da year slowly swindles to a close, we here in Sudekia and da rest of the country look forward to 2009 and the many good things we can see that it will bring all of us. The government under my rule and command has made sure that it could do to you all that it could, and has brought up much successful schemes to help our national economy and our way of life that it even reaches down to you. And you should be happy.
We have seen new industries come to our beloved land, bringing jobs with it that will enable the people of this land to work hard so we can all get more.
We have seen new skills needed and provided, and so many people getting what was coming to them that it makes my head spin sometimes with all of the wonders dat we do to you and for you.
Of course with all progress, dere are dose thugs and hoodlums and just no goods dat don’t know how good dey’s got it, and would want Bongolesia to be like France, or Arkansas or some place like that. And it is dese folks that seek to ruin our nation even further than it already has been, and change our way of life into something else that we wouldn’t recognize from what it already is…These folks are the ones that want to see our land crumble and our way of life ruptured like the carcass of a dead cat roasting on a dusty road in the hot, hot, sun. And deys won’t stop till they succeed or are destroyed.
Of course true Bongolesians know the meaning of patriotism, loyalty and who butters the bread, and with this we know that all Bongolesian citizens who know what is good for them will do their best to remain true to the nation. We will soon have the army giving the pain stick to those that give us problems, and come from third-world hell-holes (and you know who you are…)
But dis is not the time to talk about dat. Dis is da time of joy, of hope, of gib’ing and getting. For as we have poor’ here in Bongolesia, dere are many folks out there that have more than dey’s need and can afford to give more to help the poor. Because the themes of dis season is gibb’in and gibbin’ makes you feel good inside. And the more you gib, the mo’ bettuh you feel.
I know dat some folks (especially Americans with money, and those of former European Colonial Descent) will want to soothe their souls and help de poor. That’s why we ask of them to remember da season and gib all dey can and a little more. Because it’s the season of gibbin’ and it’s all for the chiiiiiiiiiillllllllldrennnnnnn….
And you don’t wanna see little children cry on Christmas do you?
And as President of this wonderful nation, I personally guarantee that for all that you give for and to the poor dat dey will get theirs in the end.
On behalf of Moolah and I, we wants to wish you all a very Merry Chris’mus and a Happy New Year.

Long Live Bongolesia!

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