"This Week in Bongolesia!"

THIS WEEK IN BONGOLESIA!
(Brought to you by "Radio Joe...7.62 on your AM radio dial!)

*Urban renewal projects...
* Kidz at play...
*BOOM! Went the fuel truck!
*National "Backroad Safety Week"
*Superstar "P'nut Lohg in Concert!"

URBAN RENEWAL PROJECTS BEING REVIEWED:
(Sudekia) In an optimistic announcement today, the national government has announced that it is "Reviewing current plans and policies dedicated to urban renewal of areas that really need it." Specifically speaking, the policies and plans come to light on assisting the quality of living in the lower class lifestyle living areas.
"While some people and nations of the world may call them "slums", and "shantytowns", we here in Bongolesia prefer the term "lower class lifestyle neighborhoods". said a national spokesman. "To say that Bongolesia has slums is really an insult to our nation and it's progress under our esteemed Excellency President-For-Life P'hat Daddee B'wonah."
While many of the details of the report has not been released, it is known that certain aspects of the report designed to "focus the awareness of increasing the happiness of life in the lower class neighborhoods", include such things as:

1: "Fixing broken public plumbing and repairing outhouses", to increase sanitation and cleanliness, and to help get rid of nasty smells and the seemingly ever increasing Goomba Fly populaiton. "Let's be truthful.' The Government spokesman said. "Nobody, I don't care WHO you say you are...NOBODY enjoys the smell of a fresh full outhouse on a hot hot day..."

2: Developing new recreation facilities: Ideas have been proposed to established playgrounds for kids so that they can enjoy a "healthy and fun lifestyle in their free time between their work and school activities." This includes cleaning up brown dirt lots and removing the shards of broken glass and metal, and empty bullet cartridges that can cut into the tender of skin of the childrens bare feet as they run screaming through the dust...

These are simply two of the issues that are being looked at by the national government to increasing the lifestyle of it's less fortunate citizens...

"Gettin' a piece o' the pie" Government reviews policies and plans on urban renewal for lower class lifestyle neighborhoods like this one on the outskirts of Sudekia.

KIDZ at play...
(Lonnieville): During the summer months, (and other times also, especially when it's not raining), one can wander during daylight through the neighborhoods all across the country and see the smiling faces of happy children at play.
"It's such a joy to listen to the shrieks and screams of children at play." said a happy mother as she watched her young son playing in the local park before he was pushed to the ground by some other kids in "a game". The mother watched her children get up, shake his head to clear his thoughts while catching his breath and then resumed playing. "True, you have to watch out for them, and sometimes they do get hurt, but it's a learning experience. Plus, the world isn't such a coddling place."
The discussion was interrupted by a loud scream from a child as he fell out of a tree that he was climbing. Hitting the ground with a loud thud, everyone stopped and watched his motionless form for a moment before he regained his senses and conciousness. Then all was cool, and the kids resumed playing...
Children all across the country are building strong bones and reflexive running and dodging skills as they play local games which include throwing things at each other, and the ever present local game of playground football is always underway.
"It's fun to watch them play, and it passes the time on a nice day, to see the chil...chil....*hic* kids playing." said an older man while sitting on a park bench taking sips from a bottle in a brown paper bag.
Children seem to enjoy their leisure time, but soon the school season will be back in full swing, so they are making the best of it.

Fun for all ages! Kids at play at the local playground in Lonnieville.

BOOM! Went the fuel truck!
Accidend under investigation, driver toasted...
(Tomtown): National Police and Safety Investigators today are reviewing the evidence found in yesterdays Petroco Fuel Truck explosion and fire on the outskirts of Tomtown.
"While we do not know fo' sure what caused this to happen, we will be reviewing all possible causes, including illegal activities and safety concerns." said a Bongolesian National Police spokesman. "It's a good thing that this happened outside of town. Can you imagine the mess it would've caused inside?"
The Petroco tanker truck was reportedly travelling towards Tomtown with a full load of high octane fuel from the Petroco Refinery outside of Lonnieville when the accident happened.
Witnesses were told that they heard "a loud noise, then the sound of tires screeching before they heard a loud crash and an explosion, followed by a fire."
"Yeah...that's the way these things normally go..." said a local citizen.
The driver, (whose name is being witheld pending identification and family notification process), was killed in the accident.
Despite the accident, the overall safety record of Petroco in Bongolesia remains very good.
"It's rare that these things happen with our trucks, and our drivers. All vehicles are maintained to the highest standards, and the drivers are trained to be professionals and to handle their explosive loads with care and not like the screaming amateurs of our competitors. " said a local Petroco Spokesman.
"Residents are once again reminded of the dangers of inattentive driving and what could happen if you don't watch where you are going." said a Bongolesian National Policeman.
More details are coming and will be reported as soon as produced.

Wrecked Petroco fuel truck burns outside of Tomtown...

NATIONAL BACKROAD SAFETY WEEK BEGINS IN BONGOLESIA!
(Keeping drivers, passengers, and everything else safe from each other!)
(Sudekia): Government Transportation officials today announced with pride the launch of "National Backroads Safety Week", throughout the nation.
"This is the beginning of a new program dedicated to reducing the number of accidents on our country's backroads, either stupid or otherwise." said a Transportation spokesman.
"It's well know that Bongolesia has a large amount of backroads in various conditions and development and some of these roads are not as safe as others. Travellers driving their own cars and ones that they have borrowed have been known to get into many accidents which hurt and kill people, animals, and other things."
Among the many plans for National Backroad Safety Week is a series of film shorts that will make a circuit around the country to educate the citizens on the dangers of driving and how to be a better driver. Among these films are "Don't drive into the herd." "Danger! Washed out bridge ahead means YOU too!" and the ever popular, "Why cars and landmines don't mix..."

"Guess who has right of way?" will be among the many topics covered during National Backroad Safety Week...

TIME TO GET JIGGY!!!!
Bongolesian Superstar P'nut Lohg to get you going with a series of local concerts!
(Port Tuziak): It's time to change your socks and get your bling on as Bongolesian International Recording Sensation P'nut Lohg opens his new tour to promote sales of his new hit album, "Sploosh!"
"P'nut Lohg has been wanting to get this passed and out to everyone for a long time." said a public relations spokesman for Mr. Lohg. "There's been a lot of grunting and flexing on getting this thing passed down the right way without any backups, and it finally looks like it worked!"
Among the many hit songs on the album are the new dance sensations, "DON'T STEP THERE!", and "Red Tracer Boogie". Also on the album is the heart rendering songs "Did you hear that click?", and even the reach down into your soul bluesy sounds as P'nut Lohg sings "The Misfire Blues"...
Tour dates are soon to be announced, but it's guaranteed that tickets will be sold out fast! So keep your eyes and ears open and your head down low to get your hands on these tickets and to go "see the show!"

"The Artist with a movement..." P'nut Lohg prepares for his next round of concert appearances...

Stay tuned to Radio Joe, AM 7.62 on your dial, for all the latest music, and for "What's happening in Bongolesia!"

Another "Mystery Ship"...

From: Bongolesian National Radio, (Radio De' Bongolesia)

(Definately NOT "The Love Boat"...)

Romanian Cargo Ship abandoned off the coast...

SECOND MYSTERY SHIP FOUND ABANDONED OFF COAST OF BONGOLESIA...

NO CREW FOUND...

(Waughtown) National Officials are puzzled at the confirmed report of a second "Ghost Ship" mysteriously appearing upon the treacherous shoals, reefs and rocks off of the coast of Northeastern Bongolesia.
The Romanian Cargo freighter ""Regina Marii" was discovered earlier today askew in shallow water and among the low reefs and rocks of the Northeastern Bongolesia Coastline, near the (infamous), Cape of White Rocks.
The Regina Marii was last seen in mid-July off the coast of Greece and according to information provided by the shipping company, was on it's way to England with a shipment of assorted goods and trade items, including local crafts and exports. The ship was reported overdue from a scheduled port o' call in Naples, and no further sighting or communication was made of it.
So here it is, over a month later and Bongolesian fishermen from Waughtown come back with reports of a "ghost ship".
Security forces converged upon the vessel, and confirmed an empty hold of all cargo, and no crewmembers on board. The ships log was found in the captains quarters, along with a discharged pistol, (perhaps suggesting a mutiny). As the documents are in Romanian and there are no current Bongolesian-Romanian translators, available, (If at all), proper translation of the log remains incomplete. It is interesting to note though that the last reported entry was for August 10th, and merely said "draci fiica" ...

Investigation continues on this and more updates are sure to come...

Stay tuned to "Bongolesian National Radio" as we prepare for another exciting radio broadcast of "Jungle Buddies"...This week, Agoop loses the map and compass while trekking with his schoolmates through "The Leopard Forest"...hilarious hijinks ensue and you won't want to miss it! That'll be coming up on the hour right after the National News Break...

BONGOLESIA BOXED SET AND SCENARIOS RELEASED BY REBEL MINIS!!!

Okay, okay, life has been a bit hectic...
In June of this year, Rebel Minis, released the "Bongolesia" supplement for their "Modern Havok" game. Since this is a supplement, you do need the Modern Havok rules to play, but it has a ton of amazing scenarios and adventures to it.
They've also released a very cool boxed set of minis, including agents, hostages, rebel troops, etc...all in all a perfect starter set to send you down the ever spiralling path of creating your own third world hell-hole campaign setting.

You can find more info on it here: http://rebelminis.blogspot.com/2011/06/modern-havok-bongolesia-boxed-set.html

(Bongolesia's Concept of "Rapid Deployment Troops"...seat belts not included...)

The rules are VERY "tongue in cheek", and ANYONE that "feels offended by them, or how they portray Bongolesians" either has tissue paper think skin, or needs to be offended by something this week, (next week, it'll be something else, like "hubcaps that cause cancer", or "why the blue screen of death on pcs portrays the color blue.")...They're made to be fun and the figs can be added to (go on, you know you want to...) from Rebel Minis, along with Peter Pig, Cannon Fodder, or any of the other 15mm modern manufacturers out there.

It's an honor for me to have Rebel Minis do this. Everything all the way across the board was on the up and up and you couldn't ask for a better way (or people) to work with.
I'm very proud and pleased that my silly little nation has brought joy and fun to so many people, and I thank Rebel Minis for getting this out. The Rebel Minis Company is a great company to work with, and I think that I shall be doing business with them a lot more in the future...(if my wallet can stand my binge buying)...
I think I'll be running a few of these wonderful scenarios in the future....

So do you part for the economy, support your game companies, and see if you can change "Africa"...(Well Bongolesia at least...)
And most of all...have fun with it!

P'hat Daddee B'wonah would be please...I'm sure of it...

More to come....I'm sure of it....

CRISIS IN BONGOLESIA! EUROPEAN DIPLOMATS "INSULT" BONGOLESIAN GOVT AND PEOPLE....

CRISIS IN BONGOLESIA CONTINUES!

EUROPEAN DIPLOMATS "INSULT" BONGOLESIA SAYS NATIONAL GOVT.

FINANCIAL CRISIS TURNS INTO INTERNATIONAL CRISIS WITH CURRENCY CHANGE PROPOSAL!

ALAN ALDA OFFERS HIS INSIGHT AND IDEAS ON HOW TO SOLVE THE ISSUE!

EURONEWS NETWORK: (ENN): "All the news with a European Flair; delivered by a Eurobabe..."

DATELINE: (EUROPE/BONGOLESIA):
Midday talks on the current Bongolesian Crisis, completely broke down today as European Diplomats offered a "Financial Solution and Change Plan", to "assist Bongolesia in it's current economic boondoggle."
"While Boongdoggle is a term that we do not normally use here in Europe..." says European Spokesman Pierre Poupon of France, "and it is something that ze Americans like to use, *sniff*, ze fact that ze word is simply ze only one that we can theenk of to explain their situation..."
Bongolesian representatives today were presented with a jaw-dropping proposal by the European Nations and Financial Markets to completely overhaul their economic system, beginning with their own currency.
According to an anonymous source, The European representatives proposed to the Bongolesian representatives that their nation, "completely do away with their current currency, The Bling-Bling and to replace it with something that is more financially stable and has maintained it's value over the long term test of time."

FROM THIS....(The Current Currency of Bongolesia)...

TO THIS:...(The Proposed Future Currency of Bonoglesia)...



Bongolesian National Authorities overwhelmingly rejected the proposal and after briefing the government on this latest proposal, Bongolesian Diplomat to Europe, Ambassador F'lybye Nite, said simply..."My Government has received this proposal and after a careful review and evaluation of it, has instructed me to tell my European counterparts that they know what they can to with themselves..."


Bongolesian Ambassador to Europe, Mr. F'lybye Nite, seen here discussing items of importance with a staff member...

Reports coming from Bongolesia say that the National Government is "highly displeased" with this latest round of failed solutions, and talks. This comes as civil unrest continues in the Northern part of the country and is suspected (though not confirmed) to be spreading throughout the rest of the country.

Media coverage of the unrest is currently being censored and controlled by National Govt. Authorities and it is indeed difficult to get a clear picture of what is going on in Bongolesia.

Of course many analysts and experts say that that is "perfectly normal with this country, as they haven't been able to get a clear picture of the situation there for over 20 years..."

SPECIAL!!!

DATELINE: (HOLLYWOOD): Cinema Superstar and International Relations Emasculator Alan Alda today announced that he was willing to discuss his plans for "helping to solve the current situation with Bongolesia, and to show how, once again, the US Government is "somehow at fault for letting this happen."

"I blame Washington." Alda said after sipping from his bottle of Evian Water while sitting in a cafe in Hollywood. "We know that the US Government is usually behind all kinds of things that happen in this world, and it has the reputation of being the schoolyard bully and threatening younger children with violence in the school bathroom if they don't allow us to copy their homework. Do you know what it's like to have to go pee, but you are deathly afraid because of the bully in the bathroom? It's a harrowing experience I can tell you. You shake your legs and watch the clock, waiting for school to be out, because you are afraid of wetting your pants... Well it's the same with the international community and the US Government, I'm thinking...."

Alan Alda, passionately discusses the current Bongolesian Crisis...(Be sure to see the entire special report right after this newscast!)...

STAY TUNED TO THE ENN FOR ALL THE LATEST IN THIS UNFOLDING CRISIS!!!!!

Crisis in Bongolesia!

EURONEWS NETWORK: All the news, delivered with a European Flair, by a Eurobabe...

US OFFERS DIPLOMATIC "RESOLUTION" TO BONGOLESIAN CRISIS!

PHOTOS OF DAMAGES AND SECURITY OPERATIONS RELEASED!

BONGOLESIAN GOVT SAYS THAT IT REMAINS "IN ABSOLUTE CONTROL"...

DATELINE: WASHINGTON/BONGOLESIA

(Washington): In a rare and sudden unexpected move, the US Government today announced that it is offering its diplomatic assistance to help "find a resolution to the current Bongolesian Crisis afflicting that country."

In a released statement by The White House, it reads: "The People and Government of The United States are aware of the problems in Bongolesia and with it's relations in the international community. We are shocked and saddened that this has taken on a violent tone, and in order to maintain a more peaceful world, we are ready to help resolve this situation diplomatically or otherwise as soon as possible."

It is speculated that the US Government is reacting quickly due to a "Deer In The Headlights" moment in International Affairs due to the sudden presence of Acting Legend and Cinema Superstar Alan Alda, offering his services to go to the Cayman Islands and to help mediate the crisis to a peaceful happy conclusion.

In a quickly worded response, the press agent for Mr. Alda said: "While Mr. Alda respects the sudden sensitivity of the US Government to this issue that they no doubt in some way, shape, or form, had a hand in creating, he still stands by his offer to be flown to the Cayman and handle this in the way that only a sensitve gentle artistic soul of his caliber can. He has his flip flops ready and is just waiting on his boarding pass!"

Mr. Alan Alda, (in a clean shirt and tie); also known as "The Henry Thoreau of International Relations"...

Meanwhile in Bongolesia....

Sources are releasing the first pictures of some of the local actions taken by the Interior Security Ministry in putting down the growing opposition and civil unrest. While only a few pictures have made their way out, they show the security forces clamping down hard on the protesters.

In this picture here, a local civilian is on the wrong end of the riot stick as a local security official persuades him to change the error of his ways...

Also, the first released pictures of the damage to Port Kensington-Hyde-White has been released showing some of the devastation caused by the civil unrest. Bongolesian Govt. Officials have increased the curfew and rumor is that martial law will be enacted "very soon, if conditions do not improve".

Many buildings in Port Kensington-Hyde-White have been damaged or destroyed completely, which is contributing to the break down of the local infrastructure. Rumor is that petrol is completely out, and that food, water, and power is sporadic at best due to the damage.

STAY TUNED TO THE ENN FOR MORE INFORMATION AS THIS STORY UNFOLDS.....

A well dressed dictator....

There are very few "good things" about third world tin pot dictators...
However, I WILL admit that they always seem to have cool and snazzy looking uniforms filled with awesome medals, badges, jump wings, awards, medallions, other wonderful trinkets of bling.
Soooo with Origins coming up, I've decided..."Why NOT have a Dictator uniform for my Bongolesia game?"
And my lady, (Gawd bless her); has agreed to make it.
While she makes the jacket, (from a combine "Prince Charming", and US Civil War Officers Frock/Jacket Pattern), I decided to go with getting "The Bling".
I wanted it to be tacky...and bemedalled like any dictator worth his dictatorness would have.
The only problem was that I did not want to use "Real" medals that were currently in service or being awarded.
(RANT MODE ON)
Call me odd, but as a military veteran, I have issues with people wearing "Real World" awards that they were never awarded and even as "costume jewelry". I would feel that someone wearing something such as the CMH, or the VC, shouldn't do it because using it as costume jewelry to me, demeans the meaning of what that medal represents. I don't mind anyone wearing medals from countries that no longer exist, (such as South Vietnam, or The British Honduras, or Manchuko), or even horribly obsolete ones, (such as the 1900 series of Belgian medals for Civil Service), but ones that folks on todays battlefield are often receiving is another story...
Now honestly, if you want to go and wear your old high school JROTC Medals and Ribbons that you got 30 years ago...feel free to do so...I don't think anyone is going to care or remember.
But if you wear a CMH as part of your "outfit", you better be damn well ready to prove that you DID in fact earn it....
(RANT MODE OFF)
Now with that little rant being done, I was then faced with "How do I find such wonderful cheap tacky medals?"
The honest answer? You don't really.
Sadly enough to say, there really isn't a large market for medals for non-existant countries, and although there is a site on Ebay that sells "3 military medals", (nice generic ones, just like the kind your would find on Michael Jackson's uniforms); unfortunately I found the prices for them to be a bit too expensive.
Soooooooo....it was time to be creative....
First off...another large night of cruising ebay; and in doing so, I made a couple of purchases of large lots of "miscellaneous medals and parts". Some of these were present day current medals, and some were older medals, and some were medals from now, non-existant countries, (such as the Civil Technician Award from South Vietnam). I don't think that the South Vietnamese Govt. is going to be upset at me using one of their medals for parts etc...
So that's what I did.
I took the draperies and medallions from each of the medals and re-arranged them. The old European one with the red ribbon suddenly had an extra ring and went to a different colored ribbon, etc. Thus "new" medals were created for Bongolesia and no one can accuse me of wearing "Real" medals. In fact one of the crosses is a cheap reproduction, and three of the medallions are actually "vogue jewelry pendants" that can be found at an arts and crafts/hobbies store in the beads and jewelry section. I also think that one of them has doubled in the past as a handle hanger for a chest of drawers....
So a little change here...a swoop there...and voila!

A CHEST FULL OF BLING!

Worthy of any dictator, this chest of medals is sure to impress the ladies, (and make them swoon), make you the idol of the kids on your block, and may even get you a free drink or dinner at your local pub/tavern/bar/hookah lounge/etc...

A close up of the medals and you can see the different variations that can be created by just using your imagination, and some stuff from ebay, and local arts and crafts stores. You'll look like a hero and no one will be insulted. And if they get in your face about "The Order Of The Golden Lion First Class", then you can wait until they finish blustering then laugh in their face....

I also need ribbons and besides my JROTC ribbons that I have around here somewhere, I have some other local growgrain ribbon to make some...So it'll help me look even more "dictatory"...(is that a word?)...

And finally....

Quite dashing, don't you think?

The jacket isn't finished but I had to try it on with my hat and give an "inspirational pose"....

You'll be able to see me in all of my bemedalled dictatored glory at Origins....

WORLD BANKS REFUSE BEC DISTRIBUTION AND VALIDATION...

FROM THE EUROPEAN NEWS NETWORK (ENN): "All the news, with a European Flair, delivered by a Eurobabe!"...

DATELINE: EUROPE/BONGOLESIA:
World Financial Leaders and Banking Organizations today voted overwhelmingly to reject the validation and international financial recognition and accredidation of the recently proposed and released "Bongolesian Express Card".
In a joint statement released by Financial and Banking Leaders and Lenders throughout the world, it said the following:
"It is with heavy heart and after much consideration that we have decided to reject the validation and financial recognition necessary to accredit the Bongolesian Express Card. This rejection in no way reflects ill will upon the nation of Bongolesia, nor it's people, but instead focuses on the unanswered questions having to do with market stability, government regulations, international trade and financial goodwill, and most of all the fluctuation of Bongolesian Currency upon the world financial market. The fact that the card carries a 875% interest rate has also raised a few eyebrows..."

The Bongolesian Express Card...You can't leave home without it....actually you can, but now no one will recognize it as valid....

National Government Spokesman Sp'in Doktur discusses the current hijinks surrounding the recent snubbing by monetary institutions around the world...

Upon learning of the refusal to recognize the new credit card for Bongolesia, National Spokesman Sp'in Dok'tur spoke in reply:
"It saddens us, as a nation, and a people, and for his Exellency, President-For-Life P'hat Daddee B'wonah, it just breaks his heart to see us treated this way once again, by other nations that have a "We're better than you, n'yah!" attitude. You would think that in this day and age, our former European Colonial Occupiers and their flunky allies would wanna do the right thing and okey-dokey this card to show that Bongolesia would be a good place to invest, and spend your money in as much as possible. It seems though that all they wanna do is play games with our nation and our people until they can get their way once again. Well, I don't know about you folks, but I think that that ain't gonna happen for a loooooong time."

Sources in Sudekia say that due to this recent "look down their nose at Africa once again", mentality and attitude, they expect the financial markets to work against the validity of the Bongolesian Currency, known as "The Bling-Bling". This will increase prices throughout the country and lead to inflation, as well as perhaps even fuel more civil unrest while the government attempts to solve the situation.
Meanwhile despite a curfew and increased police/security presence, civil unrest continues in Kensington-Hyde-White and Waughtown for a second day as for the first time, the delightful aroma of CS riot control gas graced the air and noses of protestors. Despite firing dispersal gas into the crowds of protesters and day shoppers at the local outlet store, civil unrest continues in these two cities, with the largest and most active in Kensington-Hyde-White. National Government officials are working with local leaders to stop the unrest and address issues of concern and restoring order.

Unhappy citizens in Kensington-Hyde-White show their frustration ...

"Suck on this!" Riot gas used on protesters to help restore order...

Meanwhile in Hollywood California, cinema legend and all time acting superstar Alan Alda has offered his services to the US Government to fly him to either the Cayman Islands or Switzerland to meet with Bongolesian Officials to discuss how he can help mediate a succesful ending to the current issues plaguing the nation.

Can he do it? Alan Alda offers his services to help stop "The Bongolesian Issue and to make sure that it's America's Fault"...

STAY TUNED TO ENN FOR MORE NEWS ON THIS UNFOLDING DRAMA AS IT HAPPENS!!!!