Sunday, August 28, 2011

"This Week in Bongolesia!"

(Brought to you by "Radio Joe...7.62 on your AM radio dial!)

*Urban renewal projects...
* Kidz at play...
*BOOM! Went the fuel truck!
*National "Backroad Safety Week"
*Superstar "P'nut Lohg in Concert!"

(Sudekia) In an optimistic announcement today, the national government has announced that it is "Reviewing current plans and policies dedicated to urban renewal of areas that really need it." Specifically speaking, the policies and plans come to light on assisting the quality of living in the lower class lifestyle living areas.
"While some people and nations of the world may call them "slums", and "shantytowns", we here in Bongolesia prefer the term "lower class lifestyle neighborhoods". said a national spokesman. "To say that Bongolesia has slums is really an insult to our nation and it's progress under our esteemed Excellency President-For-Life P'hat Daddee B'wonah."
While many of the details of the report has not been released, it is known that certain aspects of the report designed to "focus the awareness of increasing the happiness of life in the lower class neighborhoods", include such things as:

1: "Fixing broken public plumbing and repairing outhouses", to increase sanitation and cleanliness, and to help get rid of nasty smells and the seemingly ever increasing Goomba Fly populaiton. "Let's be truthful.' The Government spokesman said. "Nobody, I don't care WHO you say you are...NOBODY enjoys the smell of a fresh full outhouse on a hot hot day..."

2: Developing new recreation facilities: Ideas have been proposed to established playgrounds for kids so that they can enjoy a "healthy and fun lifestyle in their free time between their work and school activities." This includes cleaning up brown dirt lots and removing the shards of broken glass and metal, and empty bullet cartridges that can cut into the tender of skin of the childrens bare feet as they run screaming through the dust...

These are simply two of the issues that are being looked at by the national government to increasing the lifestyle of it's less fortunate citizens...

"Gettin' a piece o' the pie" Government reviews policies and plans on urban renewal for lower class lifestyle neighborhoods like this one on the outskirts of Sudekia.

KIDZ at play...
(Lonnieville): During the summer months, (and other times also, especially when it's not raining), one can wander during daylight through the neighborhoods all across the country and see the smiling faces of happy children at play.
"It's such a joy to listen to the shrieks and screams of children at play." said a happy mother as she watched her young son playing in the local park before he was pushed to the ground by some other kids in "a game". The mother watched her children get up, shake his head to clear his thoughts while catching his breath and then resumed playing. "True, you have to watch out for them, and sometimes they do get hurt, but it's a learning experience. Plus, the world isn't such a coddling place."
The discussion was interrupted by a loud scream from a child as he fell out of a tree that he was climbing. Hitting the ground with a loud thud, everyone stopped and watched his motionless form for a moment before he regained his senses and conciousness. Then all was cool, and the kids resumed playing...
Children all across the country are building strong bones and reflexive running and dodging skills as they play local games which include throwing things at each other, and the ever present local game of playground football is always underway.
"It's fun to watch them play, and it passes the time on a nice day, to see the chil...chil....*hic* kids playing." said an older man while sitting on a park bench taking sips from a bottle in a brown paper bag.
Children seem to enjoy their leisure time, but soon the school season will be back in full swing, so they are making the best of it.

Fun for all ages! Kids at play at the local playground in Lonnieville.

BOOM! Went the fuel truck!
Accidend under investigation, driver toasted...
(Tomtown): National Police and Safety Investigators today are reviewing the evidence found in yesterdays Petroco Fuel Truck explosion and fire on the outskirts of Tomtown.
"While we do not know fo' sure what caused this to happen, we will be reviewing all possible causes, including illegal activities and safety concerns." said a Bongolesian National Police spokesman. "It's a good thing that this happened outside of town. Can you imagine the mess it would've caused inside?"
The Petroco tanker truck was reportedly travelling towards Tomtown with a full load of high octane fuel from the Petroco Refinery outside of Lonnieville when the accident happened.
Witnesses were told that they heard "a loud noise, then the sound of tires screeching before they heard a loud crash and an explosion, followed by a fire."
"Yeah...that's the way these things normally go..." said a local citizen.
The driver, (whose name is being witheld pending identification and family notification process), was killed in the accident.
Despite the accident, the overall safety record of Petroco in Bongolesia remains very good.
"It's rare that these things happen with our trucks, and our drivers. All vehicles are maintained to the highest standards, and the drivers are trained to be professionals and to handle their explosive loads with care and not like the screaming amateurs of our competitors. " said a local Petroco Spokesman.
"Residents are once again reminded of the dangers of inattentive driving and what could happen if you don't watch where you are going." said a Bongolesian National Policeman.
More details are coming and will be reported as soon as produced.

Wrecked Petroco fuel truck burns outside of Tomtown...

(Keeping drivers, passengers, and everything else safe from each other!)
(Sudekia): Government Transportation officials today announced with pride the launch of "National Backroads Safety Week", throughout the nation.
"This is the beginning of a new program dedicated to reducing the number of accidents on our country's backroads, either stupid or otherwise." said a Transportation spokesman.
"It's well know that Bongolesia has a large amount of backroads in various conditions and development and some of these roads are not as safe as others. Travellers driving their own cars and ones that they have borrowed have been known to get into many accidents which hurt and kill people, animals, and other things."
Among the many plans for National Backroad Safety Week is a series of film shorts that will make a circuit around the country to educate the citizens on the dangers of driving and how to be a better driver. Among these films are "Don't drive into the herd." "Danger! Washed out bridge ahead means YOU too!" and the ever popular, "Why cars and landmines don't mix..."

"Guess who has right of way?" will be among the many topics covered during National Backroad Safety Week...

Bongolesian Superstar P'nut Lohg to get you going with a series of local concerts!
(Port Tuziak): It's time to change your socks and get your bling on as Bongolesian International Recording Sensation P'nut Lohg opens his new tour to promote sales of his new hit album, "Sploosh!"
"P'nut Lohg has been wanting to get this passed and out to everyone for a long time." said a public relations spokesman for Mr. Lohg. "There's been a lot of grunting and flexing on getting this thing passed down the right way without any backups, and it finally looks like it worked!"
Among the many hit songs on the album are the new dance sensations, "DON'T STEP THERE!", and "Red Tracer Boogie". Also on the album is the heart rendering songs "Did you hear that click?", and even the reach down into your soul bluesy sounds as P'nut Lohg sings "The Misfire Blues"...
Tour dates are soon to be announced, but it's guaranteed that tickets will be sold out fast! So keep your eyes and ears open and your head down low to get your hands on these tickets and to go "see the show!"

"The Artist with a movement..." P'nut Lohg prepares for his next round of concert appearances...

Stay tuned to Radio Joe, AM 7.62 on your dial, for all the latest music, and for "What's happening in Bongolesia!"


War Minister Crittumbo said...

I hear P'nut is having a sold out show in Cuidad Aberdeen in Nova Caledonia!

Dr Vesuvius said...

Re: Kidz at play
Proof positive that "backwards" Bongolesia is in many ways wiser than so called "civilised western nations".
Meanwhile, here in the UK, rickets is on the rise again, as a generation of kids spend too long indoors with their Xboxes instead of playing outside in the sun and getting some exercise.