It was a four-player game with three players attempting the rescue of a spoiled filthy rotten rich American Heiress to the Cocktail Swizzle Stick Industry that had been missing and was now seemingly in the hands of THE Reverend Father Doctor John of the Oingo Boingo Cult, which was centered around the slummy, nasty little town of Moonbatsia which is set in the African Nation of Bongolesia. With a spoiled rich American Girl being “held” by a religious cult, and a daddy offering a lucrative reward, the stage was set for a rescue attempt. After all, “Time Is Money”.
The forces attempting rescue were elements of the 1st Bongolesian Combat Regiment, (including “The Fighting Jujus”, light armored tank section), and the 2nd Bongolesian Combat Regiment, (including “The Golden Lions”, Tank Section, which was recently formed this year and just out of training.)
Also coming into this picture was a band of well trained and highly motivated by profit mercenaries known as “The Wild Ducks”. Smaller in size than the Bongolesian forces, their training and skills made up for their lack of numbers, as was their “in country” assist, (a specialized one man army known as “Rambo”…)
(A quiet and peaceful place…The Bongolesian Township of Moonbatsia; looking in from the West. The dump is near the SW Corner of the town, next to the old Petroco Truck. The Airstrip (with C47), is located on the SE corner. The Religious Compound of the Oingo Boingo Cult, including The “Holy House” and Baptismal Swimming Pool/Cement Pond of THE Reverend Father Doctor John is prominent in this picture.)
(Thy Kingdom Come…The Mansion/Pool and the religious compound of the Oingo Boingo Cult, looking South towards the town. The Radio Truck, and the recently acquired “Bling-Bling Cars” are visible just to the East of the House)
Turn #1: The Oingo Boingo Cult leader had the first turn and in his religious mantra he immediately sensed danger to his holy presence. He alerted his followers, and called upon his “Holy Hopper” to come from the heavens and help him ascend this place and to a new location as this one was about to get “a little too hot”…All around him, flunkies scurried with weapons and ammo. Bodonga the Apostle, the faithful bodyguard, stood nervously fingering the trigger of his weapon. The air was thick and quiet, and still in the town and beyond…but still…there was “something” happening.
The still morning air was suddenly broken as the Flock of Seagulls that were at the garbage dump, suddenly let off a loud squawk and took to the skies, leaving their rotting buffet behind them. Moments later, the thick, hot air was broken with swirling dust as Bongolesian Troops entered the board. Armored Units from the 1st and 2nd Bongolesians charged onto the field, from the West and the South. The PT-76’s of “The Fighting Jujus” were leading the assault through the slummy towns, their tracks picking up pieces of rotting garbage and carrying it and the smell with them into battle. Behind the tanks, the infantry had already deployed and were getting ready for combat, and trying to keep their breakfast in their bellies from the smell.
Meanwhile Cultist troops ran quickly from the compound and headed for the Bongo Market and the edge of town, hoping to bog the NDF troops down in an urban firefight.
To the South, the 2nd Bongolesian came ripping onto the Main Road. Led by “The Golden Lions” Tank Section armed with T34/85’s, the armor unit pulled onto the road, and started looking for targets early. The newly formed unit was eager to taste battle for the first time. Their wheeled vehicles of the battle group zipped past the tanks and turned onto the town’s “Main Street” as the drivers and troops riding inside were eager to keep out of shooting. The trucks unloaded the troops who began to deploy throughout a building. The Support Element played a quick game of “Rock, Scissors, Paper”, to see who was going to go “up top” on the building, and who got to stay down on the ground. ”Heh…Paper covers rock.” Said the mortar team leader with a smirk on his face. The HMG Team leader cussed and said “Let’s make it two outta three.”; knowing that it was too late as the mortar team was already scuttling up the stairs. The HMG leader screamed for his men to get the weapon set up. He had learned long ago that when you don’t know what you are doing, screaming at subordinates gives them the impression that you do…
(No time for lunch! Bongolesian T34/85’s of “The Golden Lions pull onto the road as their leader signals them to get moving and prepare for battle, and to ignore the “Snack Shaq” to their left tempting them with “Freshly Cooked Meat”…)
Meanwhile, to the East, the Wild Ducks Mercenaries came pouring in, and the Commander in a daring fit of either valiant bravado, or brash inanity sent the troop transport trucks running “hell for leather”, around the eastern tree line and directly towards the Holy House. The rolling firepower of a Saladin armored car, and a gun jeep section, quickly sped across the center of the board, their drivers trying to figure out what the infantry commander had been drinking to give the orders for the trucks to take off like that.
By now it was obvious to even the village drunk, that a full fledge military assault was under way. Civilians scurried to cellars or hid under furniture because of the soon to be oncoming fighting!
Even as the attackers were moving into positions, the members of the Cult, decided to start the dance early, and a Recoilless Rifle crew let loose with a round, aimed at an innocent “Drinky Drink Drink, Moo Moo “ Milk Truck. The cracking of the gun, and the shriek of the round between the adobe village buildings let everyone know that it was time to get jiggy.
The shell missed the milk truck, but the driver had wet his pants, and was now determined to get out of the danger area, deliveries be damned!
Next to the RR, An Auto cannon, had decided to join in the fun, and with shouts of “Fo’ Shizzle!”, a burst of rounds from the gun, ripped up the hard packed dirt behind the milk truck.
To the right of the mansion, a BMP commander had suddenly spit up his coffee when in one instant the open ground was now filled with “The Fighting Jujus” pouring out of a bottleneck in the slummy towns. He screamed for his gunner to fire off one of their new fangled ATGMS.
Suddenly there was a loud WHOOSH, and a puff of smoke, as the rocket left the tube, taking the commanders hat with it, (he had a bad habit of hanging it on the ATGM tube so it wouldn’t get dirty). Both the missile and the hat went speeding towards the PT76s, and then the missile plowed into the ground in a bare miss. The commander screamed for the loader to reload quickly, as the PT76’s were turning their guns towards them. Strangely enough, the commander had forgotten about the driver who was still snug asleep in his driver’s compartment.
The Bongolesians had suddenly realized the threat and responded quickly. “The Golden Lions” tank section leader gave a quick fire command and the gunner let off a wild round that dropped just short of the BMP. The ripping up of the ground, woke the BMP driver who suddenly realized that even though he had to go to the bathroom, with all the shooting outside…he could wait.
The PT76’s then joined into the fray, as the main guns spit fire towards the BMP. A loud “PING!” was heard as a tank round hit and glanced off of the side of the BMP, pinning it. Inside the crew was screaming and the driver wet his pants.
The Mercenaries had decided to join into the fray and the armored car let loose with its gun towards some troops on top of a building. The explosion pinned them and kept them from using their RPG’s on the Merc’s vehicles.
(End of Turn 1 shows the Mercenary Trucks on their mad dash around the end. The cult troops are moving across the open ground. The Bongolesian Tanks are moving towards the Holy House in the upper sections of the photo.)
THE Reverend Father Doctor John suddenly “felt” the need to get him, Miss Dupree and his bodyguard off of the balcony of the Holy House, as there were people shooting out there, and someone could get hurt, (namely him).
From around the compound, vehicles started moving. A technical pulling a ZPU 4, started moving towards the side where the BMP was currently pinned. Cult troops pushed across open ground to the edge of town.
Suddenly the fighting was highlighted by the Cherry Red and Banana Yellow colors of a 1974 Gremlin and a 1978 AMC Pacer zipping off (as much as those type of cars could zip), and headed for the trucks carrying the mercenaries.
Meanwhile, the PT76’s had stopped and were zeroing their guns in on the BMP…”Judging by the loudness of their screaming, I would guess under 500 meters.”; said the lead tanks gunner to the tank commander.
Behind him, a section of the infantry and the MG jeep zipped down the small road through the slummies, and moved towards an old red truck.
“Hey look! A Studebaker!”; one of the infantry said. Suddenly movement from the woods beyond alerted them to Cultists. It was about to get even nastier in the slums.
The 2nd Bongolesian pushed hard down the road, with tank #3 in haste, knocking down an advertising sign for Bongo-Cola and covering the smiling picture of “Miss Bongolesia” in dirt. Collateral damage would be overlooked in this operation.
(OOPS! Sorry about that! Tank #3 takes out a “Bongo Cola billboard” as the vehicles move into position…)
The mercenaries saw the Holy Rollers. “CRIKEY! CAR BOMBERS!!!” screamed one of the mercs. The trucks screeched to a halt. “Everybody off, NOW!!!” The troops deployed and suddenly found themselves under fire from Cultists from atop a building and a small band that had come out of the woods and were now on the extreme left flank.
Just as the 2nd Bongolesian HMG team leader was getting over losing again at “Rocks, Scissors, Paper.”, the RR from the Cultist ripped a round into his team. The explosion killed his men and the last thing that he thought of was “He cheats at Rock, Scissors, Paper…” before he bled to death.
The PT76’s opened up once again on the BMP, and pinned it. Making the crew scream louder. From inside the BMP a new aroma was added as the loader stopped screaming and started shaking his leg.
The technical pulling the ZPU4 backed in next to the BMP, which was started to look haggard from the rounds bouncing off of it. “Boy, I’m glad I’m not in THAT thing.”; the ZPU gunner thought to himself, before he found himself cowering for cover and pinned by fire from a PT76. The Fighting Juju’s were intent on showing the cult “who was boss”, when suddenly the turret from the third PT76 made a sudden right turn and fired at the back of the HMG jeep for 2nd Bongolesian Armored! The round barely missed, and the jeep was covered in dirt falling back to earth from the explosion. Could a sudden defection be in the air, from a tank crew?…
Suddenly the hatch to the tank opened up. The TC popped his head up, and smiled “Sorry ‘bout dat.”; and then closed the hatch again. The turret swung back to the direction of the cult.
“If I didn’t know bettuh, I’d say he was angry at you.” Said the driver of the jeep to the gunner, who was busy brushing dirt off of himself.
Things were moving hot and fast on the side of the mercenaries as the Saladin Armored Car pulled up into a new position and decided to end the glory charge of the AMC motor company. A direct hit from the armored cars main gun, blew the explosives and had it not been for gravity, it would be the first AMC Pacer on the moon. The explosion, set off a collateral series of explosions that then detonated the Gremlin, and sent the driver screaming into the afterlife, nearby and just behind the two Holy Rollers, was The Reverends 2007 Chrysler 300cc, in gold plate and a school bus used as a troop transport. The explosion destroyed the new Chrysler, but the bus made it through with a few broken windows and a leaky radiator.
(A hot time in the old town tonight!: Cultists with a LMG team move towards the Bongo Market and the town determined to slow down the NDF troops. Note: The Abba Poster was not harmed during the battle…)
(15 MPG and a hatchback full of explosives!…The Gremlin and the Pacer start their run towards destiny, their drivers determined to take out the Mercenary Trucks.)
(All glory is fleeting…the explosion of the Gremlin in turn takes out the Pacer and the Chrysler. The bus, strangely enough survives the destructive turmoil.)
The fighting had gotten hot and heavy with the Mercenary sniper keeping the cultists on the shop roof pinned and “Rambo” taking on the squad on the road. The Gun Jeeps added to the destructive firepower by making Cultist Troops eat lead. The Saladin sped up towards the house, eager for a new target.
To the right of the house, infantry in the slummies had engaged and killed 2 groups of Cultists, as the PT76’s kept the BMP pinned down, and blew the ZPU up in a shower of flames. The T34’s of “The Golden Lions”, kept up the fire on the auto cannon and RR, and kept the troops on the roof of the Holy House pinned down.
In the town however it was a different story, as NDF troops were involved in vicious house to house combat with a group of Cult Troops set up in an apt complex. Bullets poured at each force from their positions directly across the street from one another.
The fighting continued horribly on all fronts as Cultists suddenly started to realize that the despite the numbers that they had and defensive positions, they were on the losing side. Their morale and faith dropped even more as the sounds of rotors filled the skies…The yellow “Holy Hopper”, of the Reverend, had shown up to help him escape, AND sadly enough, the appearance of a Bongolesian Mi-24 Hind gunship, (recently acquired through Honest Abdul, the Arms Merchant), entered the board, determined to make the cultists “pay for their sins”…
The mercenaries continued to slowly move forward, keeping cult troops pinned, and pushed towards the house, in a determined fashion, as “The Golden Lions” linked up with “The Fighting Jujus”, and made an impressive armor front.
With the arrival of the “Holy Hopper”, it was now a race against time!
TURN #4: The Holy Hopper made it’s landing on the rooftop of the Holy House, as the Cult Leader ran towards it, pulling Miss Dupree by the arm. Below them on the ground, cult troops bought a few precious moments of time with their measly lives.
In a desperate attempt to save themselves from a nasty death, the cultists fired on the Mi-24 with everything but the kitchen sink. The RR, and the Auto cannon, spit fire but missed. 2 RPGs were shot at it, each one harmlessly whizzing up nearby, but falling back down onto the countryside. Even a group with small arms attempted to engage, but missed horribly as well.
The Mi-24 gunner drooled in glee at the target rich environment and decided to end the lives of the RR and Auto cannon teams. Rockets and the mini gun ripped up the ground around them, but by a miracle, missed horribly. The pilot of the Mi-24 screamed at the gunner about “sending him back for retraining and a butt whipping…”
Meanwhile, the armored car of the mercenaries had decided to take out the RR and moments after the gun from the Saladin fired, the RR and its crew, lay scattered around a smoking hole.
The fighting in the town between the cult troops and Bongolesian infantry continued as a side show to the main event. Bongolesian armor continued to fire upon the fleeing troops and few surviving vehicles of the cult. Strangely enough, the BMP was still alive, although in horrible condition, and its crew had been pinned since the first turn.
Suddenly, everyone sucked in a breath as the Holy Hopper started to rise from the building. Some of the cultists on top were screaming as the Cult Leader only had room for precious few on board, and thus the others were deemed “blessed and expendable” The helicopter was rising, the Cult Leader (and the potential reward), was getting away!!!
TURN #5: As the Holy Hopper made it’s way towards the clear blue sky, the fire from the mercenaries, and both units of the Bongolesians spit forth, determined to stop it’s getaway. The helicopter took multiple hits, but continued it’s slow ascent. It looked as if it was getting away!
A burst of fire from a Bongolesian weapons system hit the helicopter and it shook violently, and a small puff of smoke burst out from the back. It shook and then seemed to stall, and with a shudder, suddenly dropped to the ground. It bounced once slightly, and then burst into flame!
Crawling out of the wreckage was Bodonga…who staggered a few steps, and fell face down into the dry Bongolesian dirt. Behind him, emerging from the crash, and seemingly unscathed was the Cult Leader and Miss Dupree!
The Cult Leader looked around. His troops were scattered, fleeing, or dead. His helicopter was now a burning pile of wreckage behind him. His faithful apostle bodyguard Bodonga was deader than dead, and had gone to his reward. Ahead of him were Bongolesian tanks…slowly moving towards him. He realized that “this wasn’t good…”
In an instinct of self-survival, the Cult Leader pushed the dazed and confused Miss Dupree out towards the open ground. The suddenness of his action surprised the Bongolesian Troops and bought him a moment’s time, which was enough for him to jump through the smoke and use it as cover to hide his escape via the religious propaganda truck.
Miss Dupree staggered across the open ground, towards “The Fighting Jujus” who had the honor of being the rescuing force for the battle. The Cult Leader had made his escape as did many of his cronies, and it was a sure known thing that he would be back again….someday.
With their prize safely in the hands of the Bongolesian troops, The Wild Ducks quietly made their exit and moved to be extracted. “Rambo” disappeared back into the jungle, and those few Cultist troops still fighting quickly surrendered and were rounded up.
Casualties for the Bongolesians were very light, as Cultist fire was generally ineffective. The HMG team was the main group killed, and many Bongolesian troops helped themselves to souvenirs of the battle, courtesy of the cult troops and grateful townsfolk.
Miss Dupree was immediately transported to the rear and then moved to the Hospital in Port Tuziak where she was examined for physical and mental trauma, and is currently awaiting retrieval by the American Govt.
The Commander of Army Group 1 received a medal for his bravery under fire, and a field promotion. He is currently awaiting his monetary reward…
Already the gossip world is abuzz and news channels are ablaze at the story of the daring rescue. Currently there are three possible made for TV movies, and a possible major motion picture, along with 2 book authors, and a psychic who speaks with the dead coming to Bongolesia to discuss rights to the event with the Bongolesian Govt.
Hollywood gossip says that actresses Alicia Silverstone, someone known as “J Lo”, and Meryll Streep have expressed interest in the part of Miss Dupree, and that actors Steven Segall, Will Ferrell, and Bruce Willis, are looking at parts for themselves…