Another "Mystery Ship"...

From: Bongolesian National Radio, (Radio De' Bongolesia)

(Definately NOT "The Love Boat"...)

Romanian Cargo Ship abandoned off the coast...

SECOND MYSTERY SHIP FOUND ABANDONED OFF COAST OF BONGOLESIA...

NO CREW FOUND...

(Waughtown) National Officials are puzzled at the confirmed report of a second "Ghost Ship" mysteriously appearing upon the treacherous shoals, reefs and rocks off of the coast of Northeastern Bongolesia.
The Romanian Cargo freighter ""Regina Marii" was discovered earlier today askew in shallow water and among the low reefs and rocks of the Northeastern Bongolesia Coastline, near the (infamous), Cape of White Rocks.
The Regina Marii was last seen in mid-July off the coast of Greece and according to information provided by the shipping company, was on it's way to England with a shipment of assorted goods and trade items, including local crafts and exports. The ship was reported overdue from a scheduled port o' call in Naples, and no further sighting or communication was made of it.
So here it is, over a month later and Bongolesian fishermen from Waughtown come back with reports of a "ghost ship".
Security forces converged upon the vessel, and confirmed an empty hold of all cargo, and no crewmembers on board. The ships log was found in the captains quarters, along with a discharged pistol, (perhaps suggesting a mutiny). As the documents are in Romanian and there are no current Bongolesian-Romanian translators, available, (If at all), proper translation of the log remains incomplete. It is interesting to note though that the last reported entry was for August 10th, and merely said "draci fiica" ...

Investigation continues on this and more updates are sure to come...

Stay tuned to "Bongolesian National Radio" as we prepare for another exciting radio broadcast of "Jungle Buddies"...This week, Agoop loses the map and compass while trekking with his schoolmates through "The Leopard Forest"...hilarious hijinks ensue and you won't want to miss it! That'll be coming up on the hour right after the National News Break...

WORLD BANKS REFUSE BEC DISTRIBUTION AND VALIDATION...

FROM THE EUROPEAN NEWS NETWORK (ENN): "All the news, with a European Flair, delivered by a Eurobabe!"...

DATELINE: EUROPE/BONGOLESIA:
World Financial Leaders and Banking Organizations today voted overwhelmingly to reject the validation and international financial recognition and accredidation of the recently proposed and released "Bongolesian Express Card".
In a joint statement released by Financial and Banking Leaders and Lenders throughout the world, it said the following:
"It is with heavy heart and after much consideration that we have decided to reject the validation and financial recognition necessary to accredit the Bongolesian Express Card. This rejection in no way reflects ill will upon the nation of Bongolesia, nor it's people, but instead focuses on the unanswered questions having to do with market stability, government regulations, international trade and financial goodwill, and most of all the fluctuation of Bongolesian Currency upon the world financial market. The fact that the card carries a 875% interest rate has also raised a few eyebrows..."

The Bongolesian Express Card...You can't leave home without it....actually you can, but now no one will recognize it as valid....

National Government Spokesman Sp'in Doktur discusses the current hijinks surrounding the recent snubbing by monetary institutions around the world...

Upon learning of the refusal to recognize the new credit card for Bongolesia, National Spokesman Sp'in Dok'tur spoke in reply:
"It saddens us, as a nation, and a people, and for his Exellency, President-For-Life P'hat Daddee B'wonah, it just breaks his heart to see us treated this way once again, by other nations that have a "We're better than you, n'yah!" attitude. You would think that in this day and age, our former European Colonial Occupiers and their flunky allies would wanna do the right thing and okey-dokey this card to show that Bongolesia would be a good place to invest, and spend your money in as much as possible. It seems though that all they wanna do is play games with our nation and our people until they can get their way once again. Well, I don't know about you folks, but I think that that ain't gonna happen for a loooooong time."

Sources in Sudekia say that due to this recent "look down their nose at Africa once again", mentality and attitude, they expect the financial markets to work against the validity of the Bongolesian Currency, known as "The Bling-Bling". This will increase prices throughout the country and lead to inflation, as well as perhaps even fuel more civil unrest while the government attempts to solve the situation.
Meanwhile despite a curfew and increased police/security presence, civil unrest continues in Kensington-Hyde-White and Waughtown for a second day as for the first time, the delightful aroma of CS riot control gas graced the air and noses of protestors. Despite firing dispersal gas into the crowds of protesters and day shoppers at the local outlet store, civil unrest continues in these two cities, with the largest and most active in Kensington-Hyde-White. National Government officials are working with local leaders to stop the unrest and address issues of concern and restoring order.

Unhappy citizens in Kensington-Hyde-White show their frustration ...

"Suck on this!" Riot gas used on protesters to help restore order...

Meanwhile in Hollywood California, cinema legend and all time acting superstar Alan Alda has offered his services to the US Government to fly him to either the Cayman Islands or Switzerland to meet with Bongolesian Officials to discuss how he can help mediate a succesful ending to the current issues plaguing the nation.

Can he do it? Alan Alda offers his services to help stop "The Bongolesian Issue and to make sure that it's America's Fault"...

STAY TUNED TO ENN FOR MORE NEWS ON THIS UNFOLDING DRAMA AS IT HAPPENS!!!!

STATE OF EMERGENCY DECLARED!!!

Government declares State of Emergency due to thugs and hooligans causing problems in major cities...

Police Force and NDF deal with bad boyz wannabes....

(Sudekia) The National Government today declared a "State of Emergency" within the nation with curfews on the cities of Clarksville, Waughtown, and Kensington-Hyde-White.

Government spokesmen have announced the curfew to help stop the angry rioting that has been fueled by anti-govt. thugs and hooligans using the current financial crisis to exhort their rhetoric agains the law and order government and the people.

In statement issued by the National Government, Spokesman Sp'in Dok'tur said:

"Due to the current wham-bam thank you ma'am issues going on with the international communities against our beloved nation, certain thugs and hooligans that don't like our way of life have decided to use this time to cause trouble in the country. Despite their pitiful efforts at swaying loyal Bongolesians from their nation, there is a whole lotta shaking going on, and as a result his Excellency President-For-Life P'hat Daddee B'wonah has approved a State of Emergency within the nation. Interior security forces are being bolstered by our beloved NDF troops and mark my words...Our boys in green will make sure that anyone getting jiggy as a result of this civil unrest will soon see the sharp end of the pain stick!"

Poor defenseless automobiles are set afire on the streets of Clarksville by thugs and hooligans....

A photograph of some local thugs and hooligans trying to start trouble in Waughtown. Just moments later they felt the pain stick as security forces got jiggy with them and laid down the law.

National Defense troops singing Patriotic Songs and whippin' up the ol' fightin' spirit before going in and dealing with people that did and didn't cause all the problems going on. Besides being able to rip off a burst with machine guns, many of these guys have great singing voices!

General Lok N' Lode, commander of the National Defense Forces, addresses media questions about dealing with the thugs and hooligans. The General likes to get plenty of action, and it's guaranteed that he'll be giving the action to those hoodlums that want to cause problems in our beloved nation.

STAY TUNED AS THIS UNFOLDS....

Bombs, Bikinis, The French, and Business Deals...

PRESIDENT WORKS WITH INVESTIGATION CREW ON RECENT ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT...

"Will find out who gets the sharp end of the pain stick!"

(Sudekia) Under highly loaded security, his Excellency President-For-Life P'hat Daddee B'wonah, listened carefully to the initial findings of the investigation team focused on the recent assassination attempt.

For those of you not in the know, a two vehicle team of thugs and hoodlums attempted to ram and detonate their vehicles into the Government Building recently, while the President and his staff were inside doing stuff.

Security Forces were able to beat off the attempt, but not after one of the cars detonated in the Central Marketplace Area, killing some poor civilians, and stuff.

His Excellency was very business-like this morning, and just issued a quick statement before the first of what will probably be many closed door meetings.

"I'm a man of few words...but a lot of action. I like action, and I like to get a lot of action, and those hooligans that think they can get away with something like this, will soon discover the error of their ways."

His Excellency President-For-Life P'hat Daddee B'wonah, listens intently on the initial findings of who tried to get the jiggy on him...

MORE TO FOLLOWING AS THIS EVENT UNFOLDS

And in other news....

HERE WE GO AGAIN!!!

Whiny European Leaders discuss "Bongolesian Affairs" while ignoring theirs!

It's becoming a bit of an embarassment to the international community at the "seemingly renewed" interest in our nation that our former European Colonial Masters, now known as the EU, (or should that be "EWWWW"???), have undertaken once again towards our beloved nation, while ignoring the plights of their people and issues within their borders altogether.

Students of approved history will remember that until 1960 our country was under a murky myriad of misguided myoptic masochism and rule by various stagnant European powers and lorded over by those same desperate nations being on trying to maintain themselves as some sort of colonial mastery over us and failing. Now in this day and age, like a weasel in a girls school, they are once again attempting to slip back into things here and are attempting it by using the guise of "International Relations", to do now what couldn't be done back then.

This week at a recent meeting of EU nations on lots of trivial affairs and what-nots, a flunky spokesman for the EU, (and from France of all places!), discussed with his spoon-fed reporters of the international media "his nations disgusts at our annoyance on their high tariff rates for the importation of Bongo-Cola.

Everyone knows that Bongo-Cola is a delicious, refreshing beverage destined to drive away thirst, and that it's something that everyone should enjoy, (even the French); but alas no...

They seem to think that "It's not good enough until they put a high tariff on it to make it an unaffordable luxury for everyone in the country", and thus no one in France is able to enjoy delicious, refreshing Bongo-Cola.

While we here in Bongolesia understand slamming tariffs on things to get people to pay for what they are getting, we are visibly upset because these so called "tariffs" are nothing more than highway robbery without the highways!

This is just one of the latest issues that the EU seems to be drumming up and focusing on within our beloved nation. It would be nice of them if they just went back to paying attention to their own failed systems and leave Bongolesia, (and the rest of the world), alone...

"SAME TO YOU FELLA!!!"

Local Whiny French EU Rep. tells the press "How he feels about Bongolesia..."

WHOOMP! THERE IT IS!!!!

Local beauties get ready for all popular annual Bongolesian National Bikini Pageant!

(Port Tuziak) The heat is on, and the smell of body oil and sweat is in the air as the local young ladies, (pretty and otherwise), are all jittery and excited at the announcement of the upcoming Bongolesian National Bikini Pageant being held this year at the luxious "Fly-By-Night" Club and Resort in Downtown Port Tuziak.

Bikini Pageant Producer See'mo Buttz said "This years contest is going to get you all up and thumpin' for some action! We got a line of beauties from all over the country ready to give it up for the crowd! They'll be strutting their stuff and will be all pimped out ready for a night of action!"

Indeed it seems that the local male population is already salivating and looking forward to the bevy of beauties that will be in the contest. "I'm 78 years old, and if'n I can see some of that hot whoomp, then day-aaaaammmmmnnnn!" said a local elderly gentleman while shivering in the noonday heat on a local park bench. We're not exactly sure what he means by his manner of speech, but we will get back to you on it.

The Fly-By-Night Club and Resort in downtown Port Tuziak, is one of the swankiest, poshest places around town, and is a popular place for entertainment of all kinds, (no sailors allowed). The Pageant will also be televised by Bongo-Vision Television and musical entertainment will be featuring local Bonoglesian Rap Sensation "Sqweekie K'leen", who will perform among his many hits, his recent hot single "I'd buy that fo' a dollar!"

"Something for everyone..."

Local beauties get ready to strut their stuff...

HASSELHOFF CAN'T COME EITHER...

Television Superstar is "saddened" that he is unable to make it as a guest judge of Bikini Pageant...

(Port Tuziak) In a sad statement released today, to the Bongolesian People, superstar and legendary actor David Hasselhoff informed our nation that he is "Unable to attend the Bongolesian Bikini Pageant due to unfortunate personal circumstances beyond his control." In a gently worded statement, he says: "This Bikini Pageant is something that I could really get my hands on and sink my teeth into... I'm so honored that you would ask me to be a guest judge of all the lovely ladies that will be strutting the corner of the stage and showing off their talents and goods. Maybe next year time will allow me to make it and grace your country with myself, and my clear-cut judgement on your local bevy of beauties..."

"Saddened that he can't come..."

Superstar David Hasselhoff is sad that he can't make it happen...

NEED SOMETHING SPECIAL AND EXOTIC???

Honest Abduls has it for you!!!

(Waughtown) Folks that love to spend lots of money, (their and others), will be happy and pleased to know that "Honest Abdul-The Shoppers Friend", has opened his third location here in Bongolesia! In a quick interview with Honest Abdul, he said " We thought long and hard about a third opening, but found that the best place to do business with is with the good people in the Northern Sector of the country. Waughtown has a good small port that allows ships carrying various goods, sundries, imports and exports to come in both day and night, and there are always UN personnel around to make sure that things are handled right." He smiled and took a deep smoke on his favored hookah. "The very best bargain for the very best price can ALWAYS be found at Honest Abduls New and Used Imports, Exports, and World O'Goods Emporium of Fine Things and Other Stuff. It's a great place to spend your hardly earned money."

(Cash, Money Order, International Money/Postal Orders, Gold, and certain International Charge Cards are accepted. No Checks please...Due to issues with the Italian Post, no items to be shipped to Italy...)

"He's got what you want..."

Honest Abdul-The Shoppers Friend!!!

CARGO SHIPS COMING TO PORT TUZIAK...

"What's in the tub, Bub?"

International Trade Agreements help local business and nation with special ordered stuff...

(Sudekia) The Ministry of Trade is happy to announce today that a series of specially brokered business deals with trade representatives from the CIS, and the PRC will allow the people of Bongolesia to see much new and needed items coming into the country via cargo ships. Ships traffic will be increased over the coming months in Port Tuziak and even in Sudekia to unload the cargo that they bring and to allow the sailors to get off. Details and information remain sketchy at the moment, but the word is out that among the items being brought into the country will be "Farm machinery and agricultural supplies, Irrigation devices, Tractors, Plumbing supplies, and other production and manufacturing materials". It's expected that the imports of said items will assist in the creation of many new jobs for the people in our country, and will allow them to sweat and work hard for what they are given. It all points to a brighter future for Bongolesia!

"Good Stuff coming in..."

Cargo ship on it's way to Port Tuziak...