Saturday, April 18, 2009

The Goomba Fly

The Goomba Fly;
(Musca Goomba-nastyous Bongolese Africanus)

“It’s a particulary vile example of creation given to us by an ever loving God. Indeed Darwin himself would be repulsed at the general overall vile-ness of this flying thing filled reeking of germs and unpleasantries. To step on one is to step upon a bad cream pastry, while the most misfortunate of us has had one of them fly into our mouths. They are not tasty, and seem to be to drawn towards human mouths. Ewww…”
From the diary of Lady Anne Willsow-Hollsby
On her return journey to England and stopping over in Sudekia
June 1892

The Bongolesian Goomba Fly; (Musca Goomba-nastyous Bongolese Africanus); is the most common of the “wild” flies that infest the continent of Africa. Larger than the standard housefly, the Goomba Fly for all purposes seems to be an enlargened version of the common horsefly except for a few particular traits.
During the mating season, the internal organs of the Goomba fly turn from the standard “pasty crème” yello color to a bluish-green color that resembles bad birthday cake frosting.
It’s during this time that the Goomba Fly is most aggressive, and it’s innards seem to swell in size. It makes one wonder how “so much guts could be contained in such a small body”, but such is the mysteries of science…
Goomba flies are indigenous to Bongolesia, and the people have learned to put up with them. They are well known for flying into peoples mouths, and attempting to use human orificies as a place to lay their eggs. They also seem to be attracted to fecal matter, and human sweat.
A well known Bongolesian tribal saying is “His mouth is full of Goomba Flies”; which means essentially that “he is talking too much about things he doesn’t know of”…

Most tourists to Bongolesia are warned of Goomba flies, and are advised that when travelling in the wilds to keep a mouth cover near so that they might prevent a “Mouth to Goomba Fly” encounter.

In fact the Bazunga Tribe of the Central Bongolesian Highlands speaks of one of the reasons they remain in the higher altitudes is “less Goomba Flies, and our breath doesn’t stink…”

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